Building Your Social Skills
Make friends with new people. Start by just saying “Hi!”or "Hello!" to the person who sits next to you in class. Talk or complain about your homework, like, “That worksheet took me forever!” As you get to know them, start asking what’s new in their life. It’s hard at first, but the more people you talk to, the more relaxed and confident you’ll feel. Try sitting with somebody new at lunch. Say, “Wow, your sandwich looks good,” or, “Can you believe the cafeteria served pizza today?” Relax and act normally when you talk to new people--you don’t want it to seem like you’re trying too hard. Let your new friendships progress slowly and naturally, and don’t force anyone to be your friend if they’re not interested.
Talk to your new friends outside of school. Exchange phone numbers and talk or text them a few times a week. It can be something as simple as, “I’m so bored. What’s up with you?” Invite them to hang out by saying something like, “Do you want to go to the mall this weekend? My mom can drive!” Use a cell phone if you have one, but it’s okay if you don’t. Ask your parents if it’s okay to talk to your friends on the landline. If they’re worried about you spending too much time on the phone, say you’ll limit it to just half an hour a day.
Post on social media to boost your popularity. Follow your new friends and share funny videos, link to cool websites, and pictures of places you go. Use your pictures and posts to show who you really are and not the person you think people will like. Stay safe online. Don’t chat with people you don’t know and never be cruel to someone on social media. If your parents won’t allow you to have a social media account, remember that they’re only looking out for you. Ask them if you can have social media with some limitations, like not following anyone you don’t know. If they say you’re not old enough, ask what age is okay. Maybe it’s only a year or two! In the meantime, focus on making friends in school and in “real life.”
Stay loyal to your “old” friends. Invite your old group when you make plans with your new friends, or hang out with your old friends separately if they don’t want to mix. Whatever you do, don’t choose popularity over true friendship and loyalty. These are the friends who’ve been there for you from the start, so make sure to show them how important they are to you. You know what they say; Find the gold but keep the bronze. If the popular kids won’t accept you still being friends with your old group, really think about if popularity is worth losing a lifelong friendship over. If your old friends are upset that you’re trying to be popular or feel left behind, be honest with them about it. Say, “I’m trying to make new friends and meet new people, but you know that no one could ever replace you.” Show you mean it by making plans with them or eating lunch with them at least a few times a week.
Avoid changing yourself drastically to become popular. What makes you different and unique is what people will attract people to you, so embrace who you are! Loving yourself shows that you’re not ashamed of who you are, and that kind of confidence will make everyone want to be your friend. Listen to the music you love even if it’s not the top 10 hits. Wear clothes that make you feel great even if they’re not from a designer label. Maybe you love to knit or can spend hours reading--embrace those quirky habits! If your new friends pressure you to change your values or who you really are, they’re probably not people you want to be friends with.
Getting Involved in Your School
Run for student government. Ask your classmates what they want to see improved about the school. Pick the top three things that you can do and make that your campaign platform. You’ll become popular not just because people will know who you are, but because they’ll also respect you for your ideas and bravery. Think of realistic ideas, like making school dances more fun or organizing cool assemblies and performances. If the idea of joining student government is too scary, or just not your thing, get involved in other ways! Join a club or sports team to meet new people.
Show off your talents. It’s time to show your classmates what you’re great at! Even if you think your talent is uncool or weird, embracing it will show that you’re confident in who you are. And you’ll be surprised by how many other people might love your hobby, too! Here are some ideas to get you started: If you love to sing, dance, or act, act in school plays or enter a school talent show. If you love playing sports, join a team. Go for a sport you already love or try a new one to meet a whole new group of people. If you love writing or photography, work for the school newspaper or yearbook, if you have one. If you’re passionate about a particular subject, start a club for it or volunteer to tutor other kids who need help.
Get excited about school events. You’ll get to know your new friends in a more relaxed way by hanging out with them outside of regular school hours. Have fun with it and take advantage of all the cool activities your school puts on. Show your spirit by dressing up for school spirit days, cheering on your classmates at sports games, and supporting your friends at talent shows and music performances.
Set up new clubs, activities, and events. Sometimes it feels like nothing ever happens at your school, but you have the power to change that! Ask your teacher or principal how you can pitch your ideas for a new club or school activity, like a field trip or a cool assembly. Have a positive attitude, be kind and helpful. Here are a few other ideas to get you brainstorming: Start a recycling program. If your school already has one, revamp it! Set up a competition between grades or homerooms to see who can recycle the most in a month. Offer a fun prize, like a pizza party, for the winner. Hold a career day. Invite parents, community leaders, or even older brothers and sisters to talk about their jobs as a fun break from class for your classmates. If you get enough speakers, make it a career week! Highlight a different job every day.
Keeping a Good Reputation
Keep your grades up. Your classmates will admire your hard work and good grades! They might even ask you for help with their own homework. Although blowing off homework or failing tests might not seem like a big deal--it might even seem cool!--your friends and classmates will eventually stop respecting you if you act like you don’t care about school.
Dress stylishly, but keep it appropriate. Wear clothes that make you look and, more importantly, feel great, while staying within your school’s dress code. Instead of wearing revealing tops or super-short shorts or skirts any tops, look for long, flowy skirts and comfy sweaters. Experiment with jewelry and shoes, too. You can still rock your personal style if your school has uniforms. Accessorize with funky jewelry, shoes, or tights. Wear a bold headband or shiny clips to catch people’s eyes. Be true to your own style. If you feel best in sporty, casual clothes, you don’t need to jump right into wearing dresses every day. Start off by pairing a nice pair of jeans with a cool T-shirt. Mix in a skirt every once in awhile if you want, or just try tops that are a little fancier.
Stay true to what you know is right. Don’t be afraid to say what you feel, even if it doesn’t seem like the popular thing to do at the time. Stand up for your values so that others respect you, and so you can respect yourself. For example, if it seems like all the popular kids are slacking off with their work but you know you need to get good grades, keep at it. If all the other girls start wearing a style of clothes you don’t feel comfortable in, don’t feel like you need to change.
Stand up to bullies. Grab one of your friends to help you feel more confident. Make eye contact and say, “That’s really not okay. I think you should stop.” Stay calm and cool and don’t let them rile you up. If you feel like the situation might get dangerous, get a teacher’s help. Standing up to bullies shows that you’re brave, confident, and care about your classmates. Standing up to bullies can get you new friends and the teachers and classmates might notice what you have done and will pay attention to you. They might even notice you as a hero!
Stay away from drugs. You’ve probably heard it your whole life, but this rule is still pretty important. Alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes won’t make you more popular--they’ll just give you a bad reputation. Drugs will make you feel bad mentally and physically, and might even ruin your appearance. To politely say no to someone offering you drugs, say something like, “No thanks. It’s not really my thing.” You can also make up an excuse or even a light joke, by saying, “If my parents found out I was drinking, they’d never let me hang out with you again! And they find out everything I do, so it’s just not worth the risk.”
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