How to Become Friends with the Popular Girl (for Girls)

Joining Her Circle

Start out by smiling and waving at them. Just walking up to the popular girl and asking to be friends probably won’t work. Start out small by smiling and waving at members of her inner circle when you see them. You can give a quick, two-second smile and a casual wave. That will be enough for them to notice you without thinking it’s weird.

Chat with members of her circle in class. If you have classes with any of her friends, start saying hi and chatting about the class with them. Start out with casual things like “What page is the assignment on?” or “How did you do on the test?” Later, start talking about more personal things, like their outfits or music they like. You can try something like “I love that top! Where did you get it?” or “Did you watch the new video that dropped last night?” If there aren’t any in your classes, you can chat with them at pep rallies, assemblies, or games.

Start talking to them outside of class. Once you’ve gotten to know the popular girls, start saying hi and chatting outside the classroom. Don’t follow them around or interrupt their conversations. Just casually say hello and ask how they’re doing when you see them outside class. Try to build on your previous conversations. If you talked about shopping in class, try saying “Are you going to the grand opening at the mall next week?”

Ask if you can sit with them at lunch. Approach them casually in the lunchroom and ask if you can sit with them. Since they already know you, they’ll most likely say yes. Keep it casual when you ask. Don’t act nervous or act like you’re begging. All you have to do is say “Hey is it okay if I sit here?” If they do say no, keep cool. Say “okay” or “no problem” and walk away like you have plenty of other places to sit, which you do.

Keep your conversation general at first. You don’t want to alienate them by talking about yourself all the time or accidentally saying something rude. Follow their main conversation and add in a few general comments. For example, if they're talking about football, don't talk about how boring you think it is or how much you hate a particular player. Say something like "I heard we got a few new players that are really good."

Add them on social media. Start adding the popular girls on social media after you’ve talked with them a few times about things other than school. You can add the popular girl too--she knows who you are at this point! Check your social media feed for anything embarrassing or hurtful before you add them. Don’t go through their entire feed and start liking everything! It can make you look desperate. Only hit like a few times on a few of their posts.

Ask to join their group text. Most social circles have a group text or chat. If the popular girl and her friends do, you can ask to join the text once everybody knows you. If texting comes up in the conversation, you can just turn to someone and say “Hey, can you add me to the group text?” If they say no or just don’t add you, don’t make a big deal out of it. Some groups are protective of their group text and will need to get to know you better before adding you.

Adopt some of their styles. If you have a very different style from the popular crowd, it might help a little to start dressing a bit more like they do. Only adopt styles you actually like--you don’t want to have a haircut you secretly hate or spend money on clothes you don’t like. Don’t go overboard. Pick one or two small things to adopt instead of dressing exactly like them.

Getting to Know Her

Start saying hi every time you see her. It’s okay to be a little intimidated when talking to the popular girl. But remember, she’s a person just like you are, and she already knows you. Make sure you say hi to her every time you see her. You don’t need to have a whole conversation, just let her know that you know she’s there.

Find out what her interests are. Spend some time figuring out what her sense of humor is like, what her favorite books, movies, and sports are, and what her hobbies are. You can ask her directly every once in awhile what she likes, but if that’s a little too much for you, try asking her friends or just observing her when you’re together. Don’t stare at her or act like you’re spying on her. It’s okay to ask a friend, “Does Kiara like R&B or is she more into house music?” It will seem weird if you approach her or her friends with a list of questions or to go through her things trying to find out about her.

Tag her on social media. Find something on social media that you know she’d like and tag her in it. If you know that she loves a certain reality show, tag her in a post about an update for it. If she always talks about her Maltese puppy, tag her in a video of a Maltese doing a trick. Keep it lighthearted and make sure it’s nothing that would embarrass her. It’s okay to tag her in something everybody knows about her, like a hobby or her favorite team, but don’t tag her in anything negative or overly personal.

Mention something you have in common. Think about what you and the popular girl have in common. Are you from the same area originally? Do you like the same teams or the same hobbies? Do you go to the same church or temple? Use whatever common ground you have to start conversations with her. For example, if you’re both from the same part of town, say “My cousin Tom grew up in Ridgeside too, do you know him?”

Say nice things about her friends. It might be tempting to start gossiping about her other friends to drive them away, but don’t do it! It can easily backfire leaving you with no friends in the popular circle. Instead, always say nice things about her friends. This will help her feel like you’re trustworthy. It doesn’t have to sound fake. Try saying something like “Hiroko always looks so put together. Do you know where she shops?”

Compliment her. People are more likely to want to be friends with someone who says nice things about them. Think of a few casual compliments you can give the popular girl, and tell her them when it seems natural. Don’t go overboard or say anything overly personal. “You’re so perfect and beautiful, I wish I was just like you” will probably make her feel uncomfortable around you. Try something more casual like “Your hair always looks so perfect! What do you use on it?”

Show her you’re a good friend. Being friends with the popular girl means that you have to be a good friend to her too. If she talks about her problems, listen to them and offer suggestions. Remember the names of her boyfriend, best friends, and family members. Ask how she’s doing when you see her. These things will convince her that you can be good friends.

Give her some space. It’s important not to come on too strong. If you follow her everywhere, interrupt her conversations with other people, and never let her have a moment to herself or with her other friends, she’s not going to want to be friends with you. At least once a week or so, try just saying “Hi” and then talking to other people instead.

Hanging Out with Her

Invite her to hang out in public. After you’ve hung out with the popular girl and her friends a few times at school, invite them to meet you somewhere public like the mall, the beach, or a coffee shop. A public meeting takes the pressure off everybody--you don’t have to worry about how your house looks, and she doesn’t have to feel awkward about going to a new person’s house. Make the invitation as casual as possible. Try saying something like “I was going to go shopping for a homecoming dress Friday, do you guys want to meet up at the food court or something?”

Listen to her cues. When you hang out with her outside school, pay attention to the cues she’s giving. If she seems enthusiastic about hanging out with you, looks you in the eye, laughs, and talks about making future plans, you’re well on your way to becoming good friends! If she spends all her time looking at her phone, shows up late, and barely talks to you, reconsider being her friend. If she doesn’t seem like she had a good time, wait a little while before inviting her somewhere again. If she does mention future plans, don’t be afraid to bring them up later! Say something like “Remember when we were at the boardwalk and you said we should all go to one of the outdoor concerts? There’s a really cool one this weekend.”

Show up when she invites you somewhere. If she invites you to do something with her, show up if you can! If you really can’t go (for example, if you’re grounded), be honest about why you can’t. If you make up an excuse, she might think you don’t actually want to hang out with her.

Invite her to a party or sleepover. After you’ve hung out for a few times, invite her to something a little more personal, like a party or a sleepover at your house. You can invite her group, your group, or a little of both. Try planning fun activities like manicures, watching funny movies, baking cookies, and makeovers. Keep the invitation casual. Don't beg her or guilt her into going. Just say something like "Hey, we're having a sleepover at my house this weekend, want to come? We're doing karaoke and makeovers."

Working on Yourself

Ask yourself if you’re a good friend. It’s hard to make friends with someone if you aren’t a good friend yourself. Ask yourself if you are there for your friends, if you care about their problems, and if you have fun when you’re around them. If you answer yes, you’re in a great position to make new friends. If you feel like maybe you haven’t been a great friend, start practicing! Talk to your friends about their lives. Try to listen more than you speak. Ask them how you can be a better friend to them.

Act positive as often as you can. Negative attitudes drive people away. If you find yourself complaining or focusing on the negative side pretty often, make an effort to act more positive. You don’t need to pretend to be super happy about everything around you, but try to see the good in people and things. For example, instead of complaining about the rain, mention how pretty you think thunderstorms can be. If you are feeling negative due to clinical depression, don’t hesitate to ask for help.

Start socializing more in general. People will think it’s suspicious if you go from not talking to anybody to trying to make friends with the popular crowd overnight. Start chatting and socializing with more people in general to make it less obvious. You don’t have to make friends with everyone in school, but start saying hi to people and striking up conversations with them. You can say something simple like “I love your backpack!” or “Great game yesterday!”

Consider a mini makeover. If you aren’t feeling confident about your looks, try getting a mini makeover. Don’t do anything too drastic that changes your entire style--a lot of people will think it's a little too sudden. Do something small like visiting a makeup counter for tips, updating some of your clothes, or getting a new haircut or hair color. If there’s something the popular girls all wear that you really like, get it! But don’t just mindlessly copy them. Develop your own unique style.

Calm down. If you get nervous or panicky around the cool girls, try to keep it hidden. Act like you’d like to be friends with them, but it won’t ruin your life if it doesn’t happen. Don’t follow them around, cling to them, or beg them for favors or attention. Stay calm and casual and it will be much easier to become friends with a popular girl.