- To come up with a genuine compliment, reflect on the other person’s behavior and think about why you appreciate or admire them.
- Phrase your compliment in a positive and straightforward manner.
- Focus on complimenting things that the other person can control, such as their style, personality, or accomplishments.
Giving a Genuine Compliment
Be sincere and specific. According to dating coach Candice Mostisser, when you say something that you don’t really mean, it can come off as “disingenuous.” The key to giving a genuine compliment is to reflect on the other person’s behavior, then think about why you appreciate them. Dig deep to find a specific trait or accomplishment that you admire, and look them in the eye when you deliver it. The more specific you are, the better! For instance, saying “You’re a hard worker” doesn’t sound as sincere as “I respect how seriously you take work. We couldn’t have completed the project without your technical skills and attention to detail.”
Phrase compliments positively and be respectful. Make sure what you're saying to someone isn't critical or offensive, even if you mean it to be a compliment. If your compliment comes with a qualifier (“You look nice for a…”) or focuses on the other person’s age, race, sex, class, or physical appearance, you’re venturing into dangerous territory—and you may want to reconsider how it sounds or keep it to yourself. For instance, telling a woman that she looks really pretty when she wears makeup implies that she isn’t pretty without it. Other problematic “compliments” include: “You look good for a woman over 50,” “You’re smart for someone who didn’t graduate high school,” “You’re super athletic for a girl,” or “You’re well-spoken for someone who wasn’t born here.” Phrase your statements in a positive and straightforward manner to avoid giving a backhanded compliment. For example, instead of saying “I appreciate that you finally cleaned your room,” you could say, “I appreciate that you remembered to clean your room.”
Consider the time and place before complimenting someone. To avoid making the other person feel uncomfortable or embarrassed, think of the context of the situation before giving a compliment. Commenting on someone’s appearance might be nice in casual settings, but it can come off as inappropriate in the workplace. For example, complimenting a female coworker on her appearance after she's just given a presentation is demeaning and belittles the hard work she just put in. If you’re on a date, dating coach Candice Mostisser recommends “using compliments minimally” to reassure the other person that you’re glad to be there. Instead of automatically saying that they look good, praise their character and intellect or something that they put a lot of effort into.
Use adjectives to transform a simple compliment into a genuine one. If you want to give a more “surface-level” compliment, tie your words to a descriptive or emotional statement to make it more meaningful. For example, you could say, “Your eyes really sparkle when you wear green,” instead of just “I love your green sweater.” This is a great strategy if you’re trying to compliment someone’s style or appearance.
Use “I” statements to sound more genuine. Begin your compliment with phrases like “I appreciate,” “I admire,” or “I value.” This puts yourself into the compliment and makes the other person feel like it’s really coming from your heart. For example, you might say “I really appreciated how you spoke to the shareholders and carried yourself,” instead of “You did a great job presenting at the meeting.”
Be open and honest. According to dating coach Candice Mostisser, the best way to ensure that you sound genuine is to compliment someone when the positive thought comes to you. In other words, speak your mind—if you want to say something nice to someone, just do it instead of planning it out!
Don't make it about you. Avoid turning a compliment towards someone into a conversation about yourself. This makes you seem self-centered or like you’re fishing for compliments. For example, don't say something like "You did such a good job with that thing last week. I couldn't have done that. I'm rubbish at it."
What to Compliment
Compliment things that they control. When you're complimenting someone, it's best to focus on things that are under their control, such as their personality, style, or accomplishments. This will help them feel secure in themselves, rather than create worry that they might lose something that other people find valuable. For example, you could say, "I love how you interact with little kids. You're so patient!" or "You did a great job on that poster! I just can't stop looking at it!"
Look for things that they value. Look back on your interactions with them and think of the things that they talked about. To craft an authentic message, link your compliment to things that the other person cherishes, values, and holds dear to their heart. For example, if you notice your girlfriend looking sadly at another girl's clothes and saying that she wished she could dress like that, tell her how much you love her style.
Comment on things that they struggle with in a positive way. If the other person frequently complains about a certain attribute that they have, compliment their hard work and determination. This is an incredibly meaningful gesture because it shows that you’re actively listening to them, and it may help boost their confidence and self-esteem. If your friend turns in a really difficult assignment, praise them for their effort and motivation. If your friend is trying to lose weight, you could compliment them if they eat super healthy or go to the gym often.
Example Compliments by Recipient
A friend Is your friend funny, loyal, or inspirational? Mention your favorite characteristics about them or stress how much they mean to you to deepen your relationship. No matter how long you’ve known them, giving them a genuine compliment is sure to make them smile! “You have the best sense of style! I’m so in awe every time we meet up.” “I always have a great time when I hang out with you. You’re so funny and playful.” “I really admire how thoughtful and caring you are. It inspires me to be a better person.” “I appreciate you taking the time to pick me up from the airport. You’re the definition of a ride or die!” “I feel so grateful to be your friend. Thanks for always listening to me and knowing exactly what to say.”
A stranger When you don’t know someone personally, it’s best to compliment their actions or the things that they take pride in, such as a nice coat, a well-kept car, or a unique accessory. Avoid overly familiar compliments, like ones regarding their physical appearance. “Wow! That’s a sick jacket. Where did you get it?” “You have such an awesome collection of clothes.” “I respect how you carried yourself in that conversation.” “Thank you for helping me carry my things to the door. I wish more people were thoughtful like you.” “Thank you for being so kind to that man. It's hard to be patient in that situation, and I'm really impressed with how you handled it.”
A romantic interest In most cases, telling someone that you find them attractive is enough, but if you really want to step up your game, focus on how they make you feel, how excited you are to be in their presence, or how incredible they are as a person. Remember, just because you’re nice to them doesn’t mean they owe you anything! “I love it when you smile. It just lights up the whole room." “You look so beautiful when you sing. I’m so lucky to be your partner.” “You make me feel seen, heard, and supported. Thank you for always listening to me.” “The world would be a better place if everyone had 1/1000th of the positivity you have.” “I know I don’t say this enough, but I really appreciate your understanding and patience.”
A coworker To avoid sounding awkward or inappropriate in the workplace, give a compliment that relates to someone’s work. Try to say it in front of your boss to show that you mean it, and that you think they’re worthy of even higher praise. “You really killed that presentation earlier! I hope I can command a room like you one day.” “Thank you so much for staying late and helping me fix the projector. I don’t know what I’d do without you!” “I really appreciate you taking the time to look over the slides at the last minute. We’re lucky to have you on the team.” “Hey, Mr. Banks, did you see how Sally handled that last customer? You would have been so proud. It was some of the best customer service I've ever seen."
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