How to Describe Your Personality

Choosing Your Words

Build your vocabulary. Doing personality tests and reading up on personality types will help you form a vocabulary of words that describe who you are. If you’re at a loss for words, you can also look up lists of personality adjectives. An Internet search of “personality adjectives” will return a variety of websites from which you can draw ideas.

Know what words to avoid. Some words may sound great when others use them to describe you, but when you use them to describe yourself, you might end up sounding conceited or otherwise off-putting. Words to avoid: Charismatic — Calling yourself this will only make you seem full of yourself. Generous — Leave this for others to decide based upon your behaviour. Humble — Calling yourself humble is something a humble person probably would not do. Witty — People who think they’re funny rarely are. Even the funniest people are full of self doubt. Empathetic — Empathy is another descriptor that is best shown through action. Describing yourself as empathetic is like bragging about being humble. Fearless — We all have fears. Saying you’re fearless will likely make you seem overly confident and may even make you difficult to relate to. Intelligent — People can tell if you’re smart. You don’t need to tell them. Likable — To whom are you likable? Everyone? Saying you’re likable might even make people unconsciously search for reasons not to like you.

Show, don’t tell. A safe way to describe yourself is to use stories to show who you are instead of simply stating adjectives. A common mantra amongst writers is to “show not tell”. The same goes for describing your personality, particularly in job interviews. As an example, instead of saying that you’re kind and patient, you could tell a story in which you helped a customer or de-escalated a difficult situation in a previous job. Instead of telling friends that you're adventurous, tell them that you like to go on adventures, and then describe one of your favourite ones — for example, that time you went for a challenging 7-day hike, or that month you spent backpacking in Asia.

Focus on the facts. If you’re trying to find words to describe yourself on a resumé, it’s better to focus on the facts instead of describing yourself with adjectives. Adjectives only tell the employer how you see yourself, whereas facts about your past work and achievements will speak for themselves. As an example, if you’re applying for a job as a customer service representative, give examples of situations in which you were patient and pro-active while dealing with people.

Tailor your language to the context. Describing yourself to friends or family will be different from describing yourself in a job interview. In both cases you still want to be honest about yourself, but in a job interview you should describe the best version of yourself. Taking it a step further, tailor your words to the situation at hand. It’s important to be honest about your strengths and weaknesses, but which of these you reveal will depend on the context in which you’re sharing them. As an example, imagine you’re applying for a job in which you’ll be working with people. Even if you’re good with people, if you say you’re an introvert who likes to spend time alone, your employer may not feel confident hiring you.

Talk about your interests and experiences. Instead of using adjectives to describe yourself, talk about your interests and experiences. Imagine if you only stood in front of someone and described yourself with adjectives. It would be pretty funny (and awkward): “Hello, my name is Doe, and I am tidy, anxious, detail-oriented, empathetic, and happy to meet you.” Maybe if you were writing a profile for a dating site, you could get away with that, but even then it’d be a bit strange. Try instead: “My name is Doe. I’m a barista, which is great because I love coffee, jazz, making designs with milk, and wearing aprons. I also enjoy movies (especially sci-fi and documentaries) and hiking. …”

Don’t only talk about yourself. If you’re looking to describe yourself to a friend or romantic interest, remember to ask them questions about themselves too. Being a good listener is one of the most important things you can do to get people to like you.

Never lie about your personality. As you get to know yourself, you’ll realize that there are certain things you can and cannot do, and that's okay. Be honest about your strengths and weaknesses, with yourself and with others. Being dishonest about your strengths and weaknesses can land you in a job that you’re terrible at or with friends who you don’t click with.

Finding Yourself

Keep a journal. If you’re finding it difficult to articulate who you are, you might find it useful to start journalling. Regularly recording your thoughts and feelings in a journal will help make you more self aware. You can even use your journal specifically to explore what makes you you. Studies have shown that people who journal are both physically and mentally healthier. Aim for 15 to 20 minutes a day. Even journaling only a couple of days a month can be helpful.

Start a “me” book. If you’re seeking to figure out who you are, you might benefit from designating a book or binder for all of the materials you use in your quest to discover who you are. This could include journal entries, personality tests, creative writing, drawings — whatever you want to put in it.

Make lists. Making lists of things that are important to you will help you get more in touch with who you are. Here are some examples of the types of lists you could make: Likes and dislikes — Fold a piece of paper in half. At the top of one half, write “Likes” and on the top of the other half, write “Dislikes”. This could be a potentially enormous project, so limit your likes and dislikes to one category per list: films, books, foods, games, people. What I would do if I had unlimited money — You might even make this one into a brainstorm or a drawing. Just list the things you would buy or goals you would pursue if money weren’t an issue. The things I’m most afraid of — What are your deepest fears? Spiders? Death? Loneliness? Write these down. What makes me happy? — Make a list of things that make you happy. You can even describe specific scenarios in which you’ve felt happy or in which you think you’d be happy.

Ask yourself why. Making lists is only the first step. The next step is to think critically about why you like and dislike certain things, or why certain things scare you while others make you happy. By forcing yourself to answer the question “why”, you’ll get to know yourself better.

Research personality traits online or in a book. Career books and psychology books will often contain descriptions of personality traits as well as self tests that you can take to determine what your personality is.

Take personality tests. You can find these in career and psychology books, or online. There are myriad websites that offer free personality tests. Just make sure that you choose a reputable one. Avoiding taking tests on pop culture websites as these are more likely to be created by non-professionals who are not actually trained in psychological evaluation. Sites like Buzzfeed are popular for these sorts of tests, which are fun but not scientifically accurate. If you end up on a website that asks you to enter personal information beyond your email address, age and sex, you may want to double-check to make sure that the site is safe. A free site has no reason to ask you for credit card details, your exact date of birth, your full name, or your address.

Match your interests to personality traits. Once you have a sense of the different types of personality traits, go over your lists and journal entries to see if you recognize any signs of specific traits. If you do dangerous things or often talk about wanting to go on adventures, you might describe yourself as an adventurous risk-taker, or a daredevil. If you think you’re often trying to help people, you might be generous or loyal, or, on a negative side, a doormat (people pleaser). If you are often making people laugh, you could say that you’re funny. This might also be a sign that you mask your anxiety or nervousness with humour, but you’ll know this is the case if you often make jokes when you feel nervous.

Ask your friends and family. If you’re curious to see how others view you, ask your friends and family how they would describe you as a person. Remember that ultimately no one knows you better than you know yourself. It’s important to consider what your friends and family say, but they are looking at you through their own life experiences, which are all different. Your mom might say that you’re a messy, hyper kid while your friends say that you seem well put together and relaxed. Take into consideration everything that your friends and family say, and then draw your own conclusions. If everyone says that you can be a bit mean sometimes, that might be something you want to explore (and remedy).

Know that your personality is not set in stone. People change with time and experience. Who you are now is likely very different from who you will be ten years from now. In determining who you are, be flexible and leave room for yourself to change. EXPERT TIP Nicolette Tura, MA Nicolette Tura, MA Empowerment Expert Nicolette Tura is an Empowerment Expert based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She holds a decade of experience creating change in various non-profits then went on to operate her own wellness business for 10 years. Most recently, she worked as a Therapy Associate to a chiropractic neurologist for 15 months working hands-on with patients, helping them heal from neurological disorders like concussions, long covid, migraines, and more. Nicolette guides groups and individuals on transformative meditation journeys and game-changing mindset management workshops and retreats on empowering everyone to keep expanding beyond past conditioning and self-limiting beliefs. Nicolette is a 500-hour Registered Yoga Teacher with a Psychology & Mindfulness Major, a NASM certified Corrective Exercise Specialist, and an expert in psychophysiology with experience in nervous system regulation and breath work. She holds a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a Master’s degree is Sociology from San Jose State University Nicolette Tura, MA Nicolette Tura, MA Empowerment Expert Learning about yourself can take time, as well. It can be very difficult to really get to know yourself, so if that's not clear for you right now, it's okay. Just focus on being curious and open—read books, go on adventures, meditate, and spend time around people who inspire you. Also, don't be afraid to fail, and don't take things too seriously. If you do that, you'll discover your path and your passions over time.

Be comfortable with yourself. You will have strengths and weaknesses, and positive and negative elements of your personality. Accept all parts of yourself. Celebrate the parts you like, and work on changing the parts you don’t like, but never beat yourself up for being who you are. Sure, you have weaknesses, but you also have strengths — and you can work on your weaknesses. Heck, the weaknesses might even be strengths in disguise.

Considering the “Big Five”

Know what the “Big Five” personality traits are. Cross-cultural studies suggest that most personality variations can be reduced to scores across five trait types. These are referred to the Big Five: Extraversion, Neuroticism, Conscientiousness, Agreeableness, and Openness.

Take an online personality test. To find out how you score in the Big Five traits, do an online search of “Big Five Personality Test” and choose a few that appeal to you. There will be variations amongst the tests, so try a few to see if you get the same results with each. Some tests to check out may include The Big Five Project Personality Test provided by Out of Service, or the Big Five Personality Test provided by Psychology Today.

Discover how you score in extraversion. High scorers (aka extroverts) are fun-seeking, cheerful, ambitious, and hard-working. They love being the center or attention. Low scorers (aka introverts) are likely to be more detached and less driven by success, pleasure and praise. You may be an extrovert if you are chatty and sociable, and you feel energetic in crowds. You may be an introvert if you prefer to be alone and find that social situations suck your energy. The line between the two is not necessarily a sharp one: introverts still enjoy social situations, but they refuel by spending time alone, whereas extroverts will generally refuel by socializing.

Find out your score in neuroticism. People who score highly in neuroticism tend to worry a lot and suffer from chronic anxiety, whereas low scorers tend to be more emotionally stable and satisfied in life. If you are often anxious, even when things are going well, chances are you’re a high scorer in neuroticism. The upside is that you may also have great attention to detail and the ability to think deeply about things. If you aren’t very detail-oriented and find that you don’t worry much about anything, chances are you’re a low scorer in neuroticism. The upside is that you’re carefree, but the downside is that you may not think deeply enough about things.

Know how you score in conscientiousness. Scoring highly in conscientiousness means that you are disciplined, efficient, and systematic. If you’re a low-scorer, you may find it easier to be spontaneous but more difficult to complete self-made goals. If you do well in school and are driven to achieve your goals, but you find it difficult to adapt to change, you are likely a high-scorer. People who suffer from obsessive-compulsive personality disorder score highly in conscientiousness. If you have a lot of unfinished projects and see yourself as more of a spontaneous, intuitive person, chances are you’re a low scorer in conscientiousness.

Find out where you score in agreeableness. Agreeableness measures how warm and kind you are. Highly agreeable people are trusting, helpful and compassionate, whereas disagreeable people are cold, suspicious of others, and less likely to cooperate. If you find that you’re often empathizing with other people and are slow to anger, you’re likely a highly agreeable person. The downside is that you may remain in abusive or unhealthy relationships even if you’re unhappy. If you are disagreeable, you likely have a short tempter and a general distrust of people. Successful artists and business executives tend to score low in agreeableness, as their professions require a level of hard-headedness.

Discover how you score in openness. Openness measures imagination. People who score highly in openness are generally interested in the arts and esoteric ideas. Low scorers may be more interested in practical and soluble matters. If you find that you are often seeking adventure and new experiences, particularly related to artistic and spiritual endeavors, you are likely highly open. The downside is that you may not be very good at solving practical problems. If you’re a low scorer, you might be unimaginative, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It doesn't mean you’re not intelligent, and you may very well be more capable of getting through day-to-day necessities than those who score high in openness.

Do not make value judgements based on your scores. Experts are quick to note that there are positive and negative personality variations associated with all of the Big Five traits. For that reason, people should refrain from making value judgements based on how high or low someone scores on a particular trait. If you think you may suffer from scoring too high or low in one of the Big Five traits, you can work to strengthen yourself where you believe that you are weak. Knowing your weaknesses can make you stronger.