How to Focus on Yourself & Your Own Needs

Strategies for Focusing on Yourself

Set aside alone time in your schedule. It’s normal to spend time with friends, family, and co-workers; socialization is good—but solitude is equally important. So, create time each week to sit quietly with your own thoughts and check in with yourself. Choose a time that works for you, and pick a spot where you won’t be interrupted. For example, you might choose to spend every Sunday afternoon from 3 to 5 P.M. relaxing on your own. It might feel hard or awkward to be alone with yourself at first. That’s totally okay, but try to push through your discomfort. Once you get used to it, solitude can be very valuable!

Ask yourself questions to get to know yourself better. Building a stronger relationship with yourself will help you learn to prioritize yourself. To start this process, make a list of questions to ask yourself—anything that comes to mind. Just answer them truthfully, and be honest about who you are (and aren’t). There are no wrong answers! Consider questions like: What is your purpose? How are you working towards that purpose? What makes you happy? What would you like less of in your life?

Treat yourself with kindness and patience. Most people are able to be kind (or at least polite) to other people—so a good rule of thumb is to treat yourself like you treat others. Ask yourself if you’re as considerate to yourself as you are to your friends, and if not, try giving yourself the same compassion that you give them. For example, you might be really supportive of your partner and encourage them to achieve their goals, so think of ways to support yourself similarly. If you’re struggling to come up with anything, start with a daily affirmation. You might say something like, “I have what it takes to run a half marathon,” or “I’m a smart and capable person!”

Prioritize daily self-care. The goal of practical self-care is to do healthy things that support your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. So, find ways to make self-care a part of your everyday routine, whether that means de-stressing with a quick yoga routine, unwinding with a long, hot bath, pumping yourself up by dancing around your house, or massaging the tension out of a muscle. Try taking short breaks periodically from whatever you’re working on throughout the day to rest and do some self-care.

Take care of your physical health. Eat a nutritious diet, exercise, and get 7 to 9 hours of sleep each night to feel your best and nourish your body. It’s easy to get wrapped up in caring for others and neglect yourself, so make time for a good night’s sleep, schedule exercise just like you’d schedule any other appointment, and fuel your workouts with a balanced diet of produce, whole grains, and lean proteins. Try to get at least 30 minutes of exercise a day. You might walk, hit the gym, or do a workout at home. Choose something you enjoy so exercising doesn’t feel like a chore. Prepare balanced meals like farrow, chicken breast, and roasted veggies to give you the energy you need. Pick foods you like to eat instead of going along with everyone else. Don’t sacrifice your sleep, even when life gets hectic. It’s actually counterproductive; being tired can make you cranky, exhausted, and unfocused. Go to bed and wake up at roughly the same time each day, and avoid phones and digital devices before bed. Those emails and social media updates can wait!

Meditate and practice mindfulness daily. Practicing mindful meditation has been shown to reduce stress and anxiety, so make an effort to meditate for 5 to 10 minutes each day. Create a meditation space where you can focus solely on your breath and clear your mind. Sit quietly and get your mind wander, gradually increasing the time you do so. If negative thoughts pop up, acknowledge them and push them away. Career coach Lisa Pachence emphasizes the importance of using self-reflection and regulation to break negative patterns, live in the moment, and worry less about the future. Try doing mindful body scans, too. Check in with your body, scanning from your toes to your head and taking note of any tension you might feel. Try finding a guided meditation online. There are plenty on sites like YouTube, or available for free from institutions like UCLA. Pick a comfy spot to meditate where you won’t be interrupted. If you live in a hectic household, even closing the door to the bathroom will give you refuge in a pinch.

Set clear personal boundaries for yourself. Focusing on yourself means prioritizing your needs, so get comfortable with saying “no” and practicing turning down things that might overextend you or that you don’t really want to do. While not everyone may understand your newfound focus, boundaries can prevent you from falling back on any people-pleasing habits you used to have. People might not be trying to encroach on your boundaries; they just aren’t aware of them. So, be clear about your needs and expectations of others. While you don’t have to justify your boundaries, it might help to give a reason for them. For example, explaining that you feel burnt out could help a friend understand why you don’t want to go out. However, if someone has a negative reaction to your boundaries, let them feel their feelings without taking it personally. You’re allowed to have boundaries, just as they’re allowed to have emotions about it. Don’t be afraid to do things that feel risky or scary, like cutting a toxic person out of your life or asking your partner to meet your needs. Advocate for yourself!

Spend a few minutes outdoors each day. Getting out into nature is a great way to reconnect with yourself. Try going for a long walk on a nature trail or even just enjoying the sunset from your porch. Being outside gives you the time you need to be alone with your thoughts and to feel refreshed. In fact, going for daily walks helps clear your head. It’s a great way to spend extra time with yourself! You can use the time to think through things, let your mind wander, or listen to a podcast. The point is to make it a time to enjoy. Walking in the morning might help you get energized for the day to come. You could also walk in the evening or on your lunch break to unwind from any stress.

Make time for fun activities you enjoy. Prioritize having fun and relaxing! Add enjoyable activities to your calendar so you remember to keep that date with yourself. Let your friends and family know you’re busy during that time if they ask you to do something else. You’re allowed to do things just for yourself! Revisit your old favorite things for comfort. You might set aside some time to watch your favorite movie or read a beloved book from your childhood. Explore new interests! Research things you’re curious about, and try learning a new skill or hobby to focus on your development. Try some creative activities. Creativity can be a great way to express yourself, so try doing creative things like drawing, cooking, or crafting.

Spend time with friends and loved ones to let off steam. Hanging out with your pals is a great way to incorporate more fun into your life, which is an important part of self-care! Schedule fun outings with your friends at least once a week. If you can't get together in person, try a video call or even an old-fashioned phone call to reconnect. Try something new and exciting with your friends and loved ones (like kayaking or visiting a new hiking spot). Or, keep it casual and just meet up for coffee or a movie.

Steer clear of comparing yourself to others. Get in the habit of paying attention to your own successes, performances, and feelings rather than those of other people. That means you don’t need to get upset when others succeed or judge yourself by their standards. Make a conscious effort to worry about yourself and not them. It’ll get easier to time and practice! When a co-worker gets promoted, instead of telling yourself you’re not as good as them, try replacing those thoughts with something more positive, like, “I worked hard, and if I get some advice from my new manager, I can be even better.” Celebrate your own achievements! Recognize your victories, even the little ones, and write about them in your journal. Reflect on why you self-compare and when you usually do it. Find the pattern in your thought processes, and make a list of things that cause you to self-compare so you can avoid those triggers. For example, maybe you find yourself getting super competitive when you work out, so you could go for a solo bike ride instead of hitting a spin class with a leaderboard.

Write in a journal to stay in touch with yourself. Journaling is a great way to express your feelings without fearing judgment. Spend a little time each day writing about your thoughts, fears, hopes, and goals. You can do this in the morning to clear your head or as a way to wind down in the evening. Try keeping your journal with you so that you can write whenever the mood strikes. Use the journal to reflect on your experiences; try to do a weekly summary of all the things you’ve learned. Journaling can also be a helpful tool to examine your fears and insecurities and figure out exactly what might be holding you back.

Practice gratitude and try to appreciate yourself. You probably let your friends and family know you’re grateful for them, so try doing the same for yourself. Make it a point to find something about yourself to appreciate each day. Start by either saying these things out loud or writing yourself little “thank-you” notes. You might tell yourself, “Today, I’m grateful that I was able to be patient when I was stuck in traffic. I’ve been working at not getting so upset, and I’m proud of myself.” If you’re already keeping a journal, use it to keep track of the things you’re grateful for. You could write, “I’m really thankful for my health. I work hard to eat healthy, and I’m glad to see the benefits.”

Write a list of steps to help you improve your life. To build a relationship with yourself, check in to see if your life is heading in the right direction. Create a list of things you want to achieve or experiences you’d like to have in your life—like a sort of bucket list. If there are things in your life that make you unhappy, consider how to change them. For example, you might feel lonely and want more friends, so come up with a list of ways to make that happen. That list might include taking a class in something you enjoy or joining a recreational sports team, for example. Making a bucket list can actually be a helpful exercise because it gets you thinking about things that excite and inspire you while giving you something to look forward to.

Set specific goals so they’re easier to keep track of. It's great to have big, ambitious goals, but make sure to break them down into smaller objectives that are specific and manageable. This will not only help you to stay on track, but you'll be able to easily measure your progress. That way, you'll know exactly when you can celebrate crushing an important milestone! For example, instead of having a big, vague goal like “Find a new job,” you might break that down into smaller goals like “Polish my resume by October 1” and “Apply for at least 3 jobs daily.”

Reward yourself for reaching your goals. It’s important to acknowledge when you do something great. You wouldn’t ignore an achievement by your best friend or partner, so don’t ignore your own milestones. Say to yourself, “Wow, I crushed that race! I am so proud of myself!” Then, give yourself a treat to celebrate; this is a great way to be kind to yourself. It can be tough to get in the habit of positive self-talk. But it’s a key part of focusing on yourself and your strengths, so make it a point to acknowledge your achievements. If you’ve scored a cool new job, treat yourself to a nice dinner after your first day of work. You can also use treats as motivation. If you’re struggling to finish a big project, promise yourself that you’ll treat yourself to a weekend getaway when you complete it.

Get support when you need it. It’s not always easy to focus on yourself, especially when life throws extra challenges your way. During tough times, consider talking to a trusted friend if you need help—or, for professional advice, talk to a therapist or counselor. They can help you figure out how to focus on yourself better moving forward.

What does it mean to focus on yourself?

Focusing on yourself means letting yourself put your needs first. It’s more than giving yourself special treatment from time to time; it’s all about cultivating a relationship with yourself that’s just as caring as the relationships you have with other people and prioritizing yourself. When you focus on yourself, you’re committed to addressing your own mental, emotional, and physical needs on a regular basis. Focusing on yourself doesn’t mean you care for others less; it simply means you won’t drain yourself to please them—which is absolutely a fair, healthy choice. When you spend all your time fulfilling other people’s demands and needs, your energy tends to run out faster. Thus, focusing on yourself is about dedicating more of your energy to your own needs.

Benefits of Focusing on Yourself

Focusing on yourself helps you lead a happier life. By focusing on yourself (taking care of yourself and your needs regularly), you also invest in your health and well-being in the long run. That’s why focusing on yourself is such a big part of self-care! When you focus on yourself, your life may improve in the following areas: Greater self-esteem. Focusing on your own achievements helps you develop more respect for yourself, which naturally leads to more confidence, too. Better quality of life. When you’re paying attention to your needs, it’s easier to address common problems like stress and exhaustion that might be holding you back—and, as a result, your quality of life can improve. Goals are easier to achieve. Focusing on yourself makes it easier to figure out exactly what you want and how to get it, giving you the motivation to move forward. Better decision-making skills. When you have a better understanding of your needs, values, and motivations, it’s easier to confidently make decisions that align with those needs. More mindful thinking. Focusing on yourself helps you live in the moment and appreciate what’s right in front of you, which is what mindful thinking is all about. Improved relationships. You’re actually more likely to have positive interactions when you’re feeling your best, and focusing on yourself can help cultivate that mindset. Greater resilience. When you’re feeling healthy, both mentally and physically, it’s easier to overcome obstacles that life throws your way. More productivity. When you’re working with a clear mind and healthy body, you tend to be more productive and creative.