Dealing With a New Breakup
Accept the truth. You need to be honest with yourself and accept the truth. Whether you want it to be true or not, the break up happened. Don't let yourself dwell on her coming back to you or calling you. Just accept that you are no longer with her. Take your time, but the sooner you accept it, the sooner you can move on with your life. This may be easier or harder depending on how long you were with her. If you were together for years or if you lived together, it may take you a little longer to accept what has happened.
Clear your mind. Don't let memories of her weigh you down. You don't want to hold on to your hurt, which can affect you and those around you. Let go of the anger and regret and don't dwell on what you could have done differently or better in the relationship. If you find yourself thinking about her, do something that gets your mind off of it, like reading a book or watching a movie. Once you divert your mind enough, you'll find yourself thinking about her less. This will help you start fresh once you are ready to date again.
Think about the negative. Whether you write out a pro/com list or just think about it, remember all the negative things about her. Remember all the reasons your relationship didn't work in the first place. Think about all the things that she did that got on your nerves or hurt your feelings. This will help you view her in a different light and take her off of the pedestal you have her on in your mind, helping you move past your feelings for her. Don't think that she is the best girl you will even date. Think about how there has to be someone better for you out there.
Remove reminders of her. Over the course of your relationship, you have more than likely amassed a lot of presents, pictures, and mementos that remind you of her. Put up the things that make you think of her, like a shirt of yours that she liked to wear or a CD that you listened to together a lot. Collect them all and put them away. This will help you compartmentalize all of your feelings for her and help you push them aside. Without reminders of her everywhere, you can start to move on. You may have an urge to throw them away, but don't. You may want to look back on those times at some point in the distant future when it doesn't hurt so much. You'll be upset that you threw those things away. If you find yourself thinking about the items too much, pick one you don't have to keep and trash it. Rip it up or throw it out. It will help you disconnect from the memories you have and start helping you think about them as just objects again.
Cut contact. As much as you might like to, make it a point to not see your ex. Cutting ties with her will help get her out of your mind and help you move on. Delete her number from your phone and don't call her. Talking to her will only make things worse and her responses can end up hurting you more than helping. Also delete her from all of your social media accounts. Seeing what she is doing without you can only make you hurt worse and make you hold on longer. Although the idea of being friends is appealing if you still care for her, avoid it at this early stage. The feelings are still too new and you don't want to run the risk of making your rebound process longer than it needs to be. You don't want to make it worse for you or her. Try to avoid her friends as well. If you share friends, make sure that she isn't going to be there when you hang out. And spending time with her group of friends will only remind you more of her.
Talk about it. If you are hurting really bad, talk to your friends about it. Go out, have dinner, and get everything out of your system. Talk about the good times and the bad. Even cry if you need to. Keeping it in will not help you heal. But try to give yourself a time limit. You don't want this phase to go on too long. You'll end up hung up on her for too long and you'll never be able to move on with your life.
Meet new people. Even if you're not ready to date yet, going out and socializing will keep your mind off of your ex. One of the reasons you might be missing your ex is because you're lonely. Meeting friends of your friends will expose you to new social circles and lessen your loneliness. It can also make you feel better by lightening your mood and helping you get out of your funk. When you go out with these new people, try some new activity or go some place you've never been. You don't want to end up doing the same things you and your ex used to do, reminding you of her the whole time.
Coping After Some Time
Flirt with new people. While you were dating your ex, you were more than likely not thinking about dating anyone else. But now that you're single, you can flirt. Go out and mingle with people, flirting with some you see. Even if you don't want to date anyone you flirt with, getting back out there and realizing your are attractive again will help make you forget about your ex. If you know some people that have flirted with you in the past, call them and arrange to meet. You may not have been able to reciprocate before, but now that you're single, you can get back out there and flirt with them too.
Date again. Although you feel like you might not be up to dating again, try to go on a date with someone new. They might not be your next relationship, but getting out there and knowing there are people other than your ex to date will help you realize it's time to move on. Face the new date with optimism, keeping her out of your mind and focusing on the new date. Even if it doesn't work at first, the more you date, the better it will get.
Be open to a new relationship. Although you still may miss your ex, be open to new relationships. Just because your last one ended badly, it doesn't mean that this one will too. You can even tell her about your ex so she understands why you may act and say some of the things you do. Just don't compare her to your ex. This will only end badly and is unfair to your new girlfriend. Let her meet your friends and family. Seeing her interact with everyone in your life will help you move away from your ex and into a new future with someone else.
Be adventurous. Do something to take your mind off your lost relationship. Take a hike, drive to the ocean, or go skydiving. Trying new things and forcing yourself into new and different situations will help you remember who you were before the relationship and help you become a better person. It also gets you out of the house and out of your own head, helping you to move on and restart your life without her.
Write her a letter. Sometimes, you can't stop thinking about the things you didn't get say to her before you broke up. Write her a letter, telling her how you feel, what you think went wrong, what you miss about her, what you won't miss, and anything else you want to get off your chest. But don't send it. Stick it in an envelope and put it away. You don't want to seem like you can't move on and let her know you're still hung up on her, but it will give you a chance to say all of those things that you never could.
Work out. Sitting around, wallowing in your sadness will not help you get over your ex. Try working out, either at the gym or outside. It gets you out of the house and around other people. It also releases endorphins and reduces your stress, which will help you take your mind off of your ex. It has the added bonus of making you more fit for the next girl you meet. Plus, getting outside and enjoying nature can help you put things into perspective and get your head back on straight.
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