Discussing It With Your Parents
Speak to them honestly about dating. The first thing to do is to talk to your parents about dating, and be honest and receptive during the talk. Never start this conversation after a fight, or after they tell you that you can’t date. You want to get their position on the issue, and their level of opposition to dating. Bring it up at a random time so they won’t become suspicious of your questions. Listen, and don’t try to interject unless they ask you a question. You can start the conversation by saying something like "When did you start dating?" or "How did you meet dad?"
Get their perspective and understand their values on dating and love. Your parents grew up in a different generation, so dating when they were your age was much different. For that reason, you should get their perspective on dating even if you think it’s old fashioned and you don’t agree. The more that you understand why your parents are so opposed to dating, the more you’ll understand ways to change their mind or ease their concerns. Sometimes your parents don’t want you to date because of your cultural background or religious reasons. In these cases, it may be harder (or impossible) to change their mind. Saying things like “times have changed” may not be the best way to persuade your parents, even though it may be true. If possible, try to engage in face-to-face conversations when it's a sensitive subject. So much more information can be exchanged through face-to-face conversations, and this can help generate more understanding and empathy for one another, especially when sharing potentially triggering information.
Develop solutions to change their status of disapproval. Once you understand their perspective, think of solutions to change their mind. Figure out reasons why you parents don’t want you to date and prove them wrong. If they say you are too irresponsible, take up more responsibilities around the house. Discuss things that you parents want you to do in order to date and make sure to put effort towards them. If you really want to date and really like the person you want to date, you’ll do what it takes. If dating is dominating your mind and taking you away from your responsibilities, try to get better at a hobby or sport to sharpen your focus. Don't talk about how you will change, show your parents through your actions.
Explain who and why you want to date. Sometimes parents distrust other people, not you, so it’s important to talk to your parents about who you want to date. Highlight the positives about the person, like any sports or activities they are participating in, and explain what you have in common. Always stay away from the negative things, and make sure the reasons you want to date them are genuine. You can bring the person up before you tell your parents you want to date them. Say something like "There's a person at school named (insert name here) and they are top of the class." The more you talk about your relationship or your desire to date, the more your parents will want to be involved in a positive way. Things that you might find cool about the person are the same things you parents might disapprove of, so it’s important to understand what they want to hear. If the person you are dating is good in school, this is a huge plus for most parents.
Refrain from yelling or getting emotional. Yelling at your parents is never going to get them to change their mind about dating, and can actually damage your chances of ever dating while you live with them. Never get in fights about their views on you dating, just remain calm and try to change their minds. If the issue is getting heated, and if you feel like an argument is brewing, just drop it before it gets out of hand. Accept their decision and change the subject if you feel the conversation is getting negative or you are getting emotional. Don't walk away in the middle of a fight or ignore you parents. That shows immaturity. Instead try to resolve the issue but respect their opinion at all times. Say "I understand your perspective but I don't agree. I love you, so I'll do what you say, but I'd like to talk about it later when I'm not so emotional please." You won’t change your parent’s minds in one conversation, it may take a while for them to come around. Don’t ever act snide or sarcastic with you parents because it will damage your chances of them saying yes in the future.
Revisit the issue at a later date. Sometimes parents just need time before they get used to the idea that their child is old enough to date someone. If you can show them that you are ready for dating by fulfilling some of their expectations, this will translate into them treating you more like an adult. Wait a couple of weeks or a month, and then revisit the issue once they have had time to think about your side of things. You can start the conversation by saying "I know you told me you disapprove of dating in the past, but I've been taking care of all my responsibilities and I want to spend time with this person. You may not think it's important but it's really affecting me emotionally and I think I'm emotionally mature enough to start." Don’t ask them or talk about it every day.
Changing Your Parent’s Minds
Show them that you are mature. Dating someone requires maturity, and is one of the main reasons many parents don’t want their children to date. Making mistakes or being immature or careless in a relationship can have real, long-lasting consequences. Maturity means taking care of your responsibilities without being asked or reminded and making responsible decisions. A major reason parents don’t want kids to date is because they are doing poorly in school. The more that you show you can handle your life and your responsibilities, the more you parents will think you can handle dating someone. Maturity also means not arguing or bickering with you parents constantly. Try to go with the flow and make life easy for both of you!
Help more around the house. It might seem unrelated, but sometimes parents are just stressed and need more help around the house. Take the initiative at home to help the family. Do all your chores without being asked to do them, and ask your parents if they need help. The more you get on their good side, the more they’re likely to let you date. Go beyond the chores. Help your parents out with stuff that takes up their time. If you can gain their respect, they will start to open up about dating. Surprising your parents by taking initiative will always make them happier and possibly more receptive about dating.
Be open and honest at all times. Another main culprit to why some parents don’t want their children to date is a betrayal of trust that has taken place prior. If you’ve went behind your parent’s back before, they can’t trust you won’t do it again. This specifically applies to sex, and the potential of STIs or an unplanned pregnancy. The more open and honest you are with your parents, even if they disapprove, the more they will respect you and will want to be involved in a positive way with your relationships. Apologize about lying the first time, and tell them that you understand why it was wrong. Convince them by consistently telling the truth even if it doesn't work in your favor because it will show them that you won't hide things from them. Don’t go against them and date behind their back, because it could have bad repercussions down the line and they may restrict you from dating for an even longer time. Sometimes the best way to build trust is to tell your parents something that you did that they will disapprove of. If you show that you’re honest even when it looks bad, they’ll start to think that you’ll always be honest with them. It might be hard to keep truthful if you parents punish you every time you do something wrong, but it’s the only way to build their trust.
Accept their decisions and try to compromise with them. Ultimately you live under your parents roof and they provide you with the food and clothing you have, so you need to respect their final decision. If you’ve taken all the steps to win their trust and understand them, and they still don’t want you to date, try to compromise with them. Things like agreeing not to date for the next year, getting better grades, or not getting into trouble may be a compromise that could open the doors for dating for you. There is usually a good reason your parents don’t want you to date, so don’t dismiss their opinions immediately. Be honest with yourself about dating. Even though you may really like a person, it doesn’t mean you are ready to date.
Introducing Your Date To Your Parents
Make sure they’re the right person. Before you introduce your potential significant other to your parents, you should ask yourself if this person is good enough. If you’re scared they might embarrass you, maybe you should re-think dating this person in the first place. If your parents don’t want you to date and your date leaves a negative impression, it may hurt your chances in the future. Think about how this person acts around older people and teachers and you can assume the behavior may be similar.
Bring the person around as a friend and let them get to know them. A good way to introduce the person you want to date to your parents is by introducing them first as a friend. This will make it so that your parents don’t have immediate bias for the person. If you get in trouble with your “friend” then your parents may get a negative impression and restrict you from dating them. Let your parents know they are coming beforehand to avoid an awkward situation.
Introduce their parents to your parents. One way to alleviate the stress that your parents may have with dating is by introducing them to your date’s parents. If they speak to one another they may develop a friendship and a positive impression of the person you’re trying to date. Some parents look for a strong family behind anyone you’re dating. If this is the case, this approach may win them over. You can do this at a public sporting event or at a show.
Explain the situation to the person you want to date. If you really want to date someone but your parents won’t let you, you should let that person know. That way they won’t take anything personally, but also so that they know to be on their best behavior when they meet them. You can say "I really like you and want to date you, but I can't constantly fight with my parents so please act respectful and try to make a good impression when you meet them." If you understand their perspective, you can relay that onto your date and hopefully they will act appropriate and likable.
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