Building Self Confidence
Brainstorm your best qualities to remind yourself of your worth. Make a list of all of your best qualities. Maybe you’re good at sticking up for your friends, or you really light up when you talk about something you care about, or you’re a good listener, or you make people laugh. There are many different ways to be attractive. If you’re having trouble thinking of positive things about yourself, ask your friends or family. You can tell your friend what you value most about them, and then ask them what they value about you.
Use positive self talk to embrace your talents and accept your flaws. The key to feeling confident about yourself isn’t thinking that you’re great at absolutely everything. Instead, remind yourself about the things that you’re good at and accept what you’re not good at. Natural self-confidence and self-love are magnetic. For example, say to yourself: “I know that I have a hard time in school, but nobody’s perfect. What I’m really good at is being a loyal friend, and that’s a wonderful thing.” Or: “I know that I have trouble with my temper, but I’m always honest and I work hard, and that’s really special.” If you struggle a lot with feelings of self worth, consider talking to a therapist.
Groom yourself well to boost your confidence. Every day, take a shower, wear deodorant, and put on clothes you like. You’ll look your best and feel your best if you put in attention to smelling clean and looking well-groomed. If you look like you take good care of yourself, you'll be much more attractive.
Devote time to your interests and hobbies. You’ll look like much more of a catch if you go out and do the things you love. Working on your hobbies is not only personally fulfilling, but it makes you a much more interesting dating-prospect, and you’ll have things to talk about with your crush. Developing your own hobbies can remind you of your own self-worth and boost your confidence.
Get into a fitness routine to boost your confidence. Aim to exercise for about 30 minutes a day. Exercising boosts your physical and mental health, and can make you feel more confident in your body. It also gives you a bunch of endorphins that make you feel happy. There’s no need to be super buff to impress a girl, but working out a reasonable amount shows that you take care of yourself, and makes you look confident.
Try to see her as an equal instead of putting her on a pedestal. When you’re completely star-struck with somebody, it’s easy to idolize them and think they’re perfect. But this girl is a human being, just like everybody else. Getting your crush off of a pedestal is part of respecting her. It means you don’t think of her as a fantasy, but as a real person with flaws, fears, and ungraceful moments. Try to keep in mind that leagues don’t actually exist. They’re imaginary. Different people are attracted to different things! If you’re having trouble, get a more clear-eyed friend to help you.
Striking up a Conversation
Strike up a conversation with her whenever you can. Be friendly and casual, and talk about what’s going on, or anything you have in common, like a shared class. Ask if you can walk her to her next class, and make it a habit to stop and chat a little whenever you see her. You don’t have to have anything really deep to say. The point is just to establish a friendly, flirty banter, so that she’ll think of you as a regular part of her life. To make it clear you’re interested in her as more than friends, drop little compliments about her, and see how she reacts.
Smile warmly and have open body language to exude confidence. A warm smile will show that you are friendly and approachable, and have self-confidence. It can make the girl feel safe around you, and make you look at ease with yourself and the world. You can have open body language by uncrossing your arms and legs, leaning forward, and avoiding fidgeting restlessly. When you smile and look engaged in a conversation, you seem much more approachable and self-assured. Try to make plenty of eye contact, too. Reader Poll: We asked 669 wikiHow readers, and 68% of them agreed that the best way to exude confidence around your crush is by making eye contact and smiling. [Take Poll]
Ask her open-ended questions and listen to her answers. Keep the conversation flowing by asking her questions that don’t just have a yes or no answer. You’ll show interest in her life by listening, and you’ll get to know her much better. It will also give you a chance to respond and tell her things about yourself. Your questions don’t have to be super deep right away. You can say, “What did you do this weekend?” instead of “Did you have a good weekend?” This way she can tell you a story, instead of just saying yes or no.
Make her laugh. Many girls find humor attractive. If you enjoy making jokes, don’t be afraid to be silly and make her laugh. Just don’t make mean jokes, or you’ll risk hurting her feelings or offending her. If you’re more of a serious person than a silly person, then embrace that side of yourself. You can impress her with your thoughtfulness, or your empathy.
Give her a sincere compliment. Even if you’re drawn to this girl because of her stunning looks, find something a bit deeper to compliment her about. Focus on her personality, like telling her she’s really funny, or thoughtful, or sweet. Find out more about who she is. Maybe she likes to do art: compliment her drawing skills. If you want to compliment something physical, stick to things like her smile, her laugh, or her eyes. Make it clear that you think she’s cute, so that you don’t end up in the friend zone, but keep most of your compliments about her personality or smarts.
Find common interests so that you have lots to talk about. Use the conversation to find something that you have in common. It can be something you have in common in your life, like you both take care of your little siblings after school, or you have a mutual friend. It can be similar tastes, like a book, movie, or song that you both like. If she mentions something that you also like, say so right away! Your enthusiasm will be infectious, and make the conversation fun.
Ask her to hang out with a group, if you’re feeling shy. If you’re not quite ready to ask her on a date, ask her to hang out with a group. If you like to hang out with your friends in the park after school, ask her to come along. This can be a great, low-stakes way of hanging out and getting to know her. If you’re really feeling brave, ask her to hang out one on one! You will impress her with your confidence. The worst thing she can say is no, and then at least you know and can move on.
Presenting Yourself in the Best Light
Work to improve yourself in areas that you both value. Consider why you think the girl is out of your league. Maybe you think she’s smarter, better looking, or kinder than you. None of these traits are fixed! The point isn’t to change who you are. It’s to improve on traits that you value, so that you feel confident and worthy. For example, if you like a girl who’s really smart, find some books that you enjoy reading so that you’ll have something to talk about. You don’t have to get straight A’s, you just have to show you’re interested in learning new things. If you’re attracted to a girl who you think is really stylish, spend a little extra time picking out clothes that you think look good on you. If you like a girl who’s kind and gentle, work on treating everyone in your life with more kindness. If you want to date a model, try to pay extra attention to self-grooming, style, and your physical fitness level.
Let your personality shine. Don’t try to be someone that you’re not. Embrace the best parts of your personality when you’re talking to her, and she’ll be impressed. If you’re silly, make her laugh. If you’re thoughtful, be sincere. If you’re loyal, talk about your friends or your family. Don’t be afraid to mention your funny quirks and nerdy hobbies. If she’s right for you, she’ll like you for who you are, and she’ll find your enthusiasm cute.
Limit self-deprecating humor. You want to make her laugh, so it may be tempting to make a lot of self-deprecating comments. Sure, those can be funny, but they can also point at deeper insecurities and self-hate. If you really can’t do without self-deprecating humor, then stick to comments about things that don’t really matter, like how klutzy you are, instead of a comment about something more important like your appearance or personality.
Be humble without negating your accomplishments. This is a tricky one, but it’s important to avoid bragging, so that you don’t look pompous, or like you’re trying too hard to impress her. Try to strike a balance so that you don’t negate the things you’ve done and are proud of. If she mentions something you’re good at, you can mention it, but do it casually, and don’t interrupt or dominate the conversation. Be humble by asking questions and actively listening, instead of listening all the reasons you’re great. She’ll ask you questions too, and you can mention things about yourself in a natural way, instead of bragging.
Speak about other people respectfully when you're around her. Prove to her that you’re polite and respectful not only in how you address her, but in how you talk about other people. Don’t gossip about other people to try to make yourself look better in comparison. You’ll only end up looking mean. On the other hand, talking about the good you see in other people will make you seem humble, grounded, loving, and positive. Sometimes the subject of somebody you don’t like will come up. You can admit that you’re not a big fan, and then steer the conversation to a more positive topic.
Avoid flirting with other people in front of her. You may be tempted to make her jealous by flirting with other people but this will just make you seem like a player and like you’re not really interested in her. When you’re with her, don’t flirt with other people, stare at them, or comment on how cute they are. Give her good eye contact so that she knows you’re focused on her and not on anybody else.
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