How to Know Your Husband Doesn't Respect You

He prioritizes other people and activities over you.

A partner who loves and respects you will make time for you. Everybody has times in their lives when they’re extremely busy and need to focus on certain elements of their lives over others. Perhaps a work project keeps your husband at the office for long hours, or he needs to spend some time caring for an aging parent. However, making you a low priority should only be temporary in such scenarios. Part of a healthy marriage involves making your partner a high priority in the long run.

He is easily annoyed and frequently insults you.

Constant annoyance may be a sign of dissatisfaction with the marriage. Often paired with regular insults, this is an unhealthy and disrespectful way to express that dissatisfaction. Plus, your home should be a sanctuary. If your husband is constantly belittling you or otherwise acting annoyed by you, he’s depriving you of that safe space.

He pays a little too much attention to other people.

Unless you’re in an open marriage, you made a commitment to exclusivity. If your husband is constantly flirting with people outside your marriage, there might be a problem. Whether it’s overt or behind your back, it shows that he lacks respect for the commitment he made to you. Even if you’re in an open or polyamorous relationship, your husband should respect any boundaries you have within that framework. For example, does he clearly communicate who else he’s seeing and when? Does he make room for “just us” days?

He makes one-sided demands.

Relationships require give and take from both sides. It’s normal to make some compromises and support your partner to some extent, but it’s a two-way street. This might look like an agreement that "if you cook family dinner for the whole family, I'll do the dishes," or it could look like the two of you taking turns doing unpleasant chores. If you’re constantly doing him favors or making concessions to accommodate his interests and he isn’t reciprocating, that may be a red flag. Does he share in the housework and chores, or does he always demand that you do everything because he's "too tired"? If you have children, do you sometimes feel like an only parent because your husband is just "too busy" to help you out?

He doesn’t compromise.

Relationships involve a lot of compromise. But as with supporting each other and making demands of each other, the give and take should be roughly equal. If you have different likes and interests, your husband should be conceding to your interests as often as you concede to his. If you like romcoms while he likes sci-fi movies, the “compromise” shouldn’t be to only watch sci-fi when you have a movie night together. You should be able to spend time with your own friends and family as much as you spend time with his.

He ignores your boundaries.

Boundaries are important, even in a committed, long-term relationship. If he’s regularly crossing them, it might be a sign of disrespect. That said, this is an area to tread carefully. Many of us struggle to communicate our boundaries clearly. So make sure that you’re telling him clearly what your boundaries are so that he’s not left guessing, and consider what you should do if he continues to ignore them even once you’ve laid them out. Boundaries could include … The kind of tone or language that you use when talking to each other. How you act around other people. For example, is flirting outside of the marriage off limits? Your boundaries could even include simple, practical things such as bedtimes, especially if you share the same bed. You might even discuss possible solutions for what to do when one of you has to stay up late. E.g. Does one of you go to the guest bedroom?

He lies frequently.

Does your husband lie often enough that you don’t trust him? Everybody misspeaks or tells white lies occasionally. However, habitual dishonestly can be a sign of manipulative behavior and disrespect. Somebody who respects you might tell a white lie in order to keep a surprise for your birthday; but why would he be cagey about where he is or who he’s spending time with after work? Habitual lying can put a serious dent in the trust you have for each other, which is a crucial factor in a marriage’s success.

He’s controlling.

Your husband should trust and respect you enough to make your own decisions. Sure, there are some choices that affect both of you and thus should be joint decisions (whether to have kids, where to live, etc.). But remember: Trust is a key part of a relationship. If he monitors your social media, snoops in your emails, or controls who you hang out with, he's displaying an unhealthy, manipulative form of distrust—not to mention a lack of respect for your autonomy.

He doesn’t support you or express pride.

In a healthy relationship, partners take pride in each other’s achievements. In fact, supportive friends and loved ones are crucial for our well-being. It’s hurtful and concerning if your spouse never congratulates you on achievements or encourages you to pursue your passions. Does he really respect you if he can’t even muster up some pride when you talk about a promotion at work or about a publisher taking interest in your writing? A husband who respects and supports his partner might even be willing to make some sacrifices to help them achieve their goals. This can be something as simple as taking on the bulk of the housework for a while so that you can focus on an important professional project.

He doesn’t listen to you or respect your opinion.

A failure to listen or to respect your opinion can take many forms. Does your husband regularly interrupt you? Or perhaps he simply ignores you and doesn’t respond when you’re talking. He might not agree with everything you say—it’s only natural and healthy for two people to disagree occasionally. But he should be able to listen and respond to your opinion in a calm, mature manner.

He regularly leaves you hanging.

Answering calls and texts and honoring commitments are signs of respect. Of course, life can get in the way sometimes; we’re all only human, after all. Something might come up every so often—he can’t answer a call because he’s in a meeting or he has to work late and can’t make it to date night. But this should be the exception rather than the rule.