Communicating Respectfully
Treat people with courtesy and politeness. Be sure to make requests of people and not demands. Having good manners is as simple as saying "thank you" and "please" when you're requesting something from another person. Having good manners shows that you respect their time and effort to help you. Brush up on some skills that show good manners. For example, excuse yourself if you interrupt a conversation, offer someone a seat at a meeting, and wait your turn in line. Remember that common courtesy can help you to show respect and have positive interactions with strangers as well.
Be sensitive to people’s feelings. Even if you don’t mean to hurt anyone, you’ve probably said something that another person felt hurt or offended by. When you speak, consider how the other person might interpret your words. Acknowledge their feelings when they react or respond. If you’re saying something sensitive, do so sensitively. Your words are powerful, so use them wisely. For example, if you need to cancel on plans and you know the other person will be upset, acknowledge their feelings when you cancel. Say, “I’m so sorry I have to cancel, I know you will feel disappointed. I’ll do my best to make up for it soon.”
Listen closely. Give your full attention when someone is speaking. Instead of planning your response, really listen and hear what they are saying. Limit the distractions around you by turning off the television or silencing your phone. Practice focusing solely on the other person and not on yourself. Make neutral statements to demonstrate that you are listening, such as “Yes,” “Go on,” and “I see.” If you find that your mind has wandered, ask them to repeat what they just said, so that you can be actively involved again in the conversation.
Phrase your comments positively. If you constantly nitpick, criticize, belittle, judge, or demean a person, they may not be open to your words, and instead feel as if you are bullying them. If you have something to say, do so in a way that encourages them. For example, if your roommate has a bad habit that drives you crazy, point it out gently or make a request. Instead of saying, “I can’t stand when you leave the bathroom a mess,” say, “Could you please clean the bathroom when you finish?” or, “I’d really like it if both of us put some effort every day to cleaning the bathroom.” Make sure that you avoid using passive-aggressive statements to get your needs met. Instead, be direct about what you need to show respect for yourself and other people.
Share your opinions when you are asked. While your opinions are valid, people may not want your opinion on everything. Get into a habit of only giving your opinion when it is asked for. This means allowing people to make their own choices, even if you disagree with them. Giving your opinion on everything can hurt people’s feelings, even if you don’t intend to. For example, if you dislike a friend’s partner, be kind and don’t say anything about your dislike unless they directly ask you or you’re concerned about their safety. Respect sometimes means letting people make their own choices even if you don’t agree with them.
Acting Respectfully
Respect a person’s boundaries. Pressuring someone to do something is not respectful. If someone sets a boundary, don’t try to see how far you can push it or if you can get them to break it. Respect their boundaries and leave it at that. For example, if someone is a vegan, don’t offer them meat. If someone practices a different spiritual path than you, don’t poke fun of them or tell them that they are following something untrue or wrong.
Be trustworthy. When someone puts their trust in you, show them that you are worthy to be trusted. For example, if someone asks you to keep a secret, be true to your word. Don’t betray their trust by telling someone else, especially if the people know each other. Keep your word when you do or say something. People will know you are someone they can trust.
Avoid discussing gossip or hearsay. Talking about someone behind their back or in gossip is unkind and not respectful. The person has no opportunity to defend themselves or make their case, yet others are free to judge them. When talking about other people, be sure not to gossip or spread harmful information. For example, if someone else is talking about gossip, say, “I’d rather not talk about Lexi when she’s not here. That doesn’t seem fair to her.”
Treat all people with respect. Whether someone comes from a different race, religion, gender, country of origin, or part of town from you, treat each person in life fairly and equally. If you notice yourself treating someone who is different from you unfairly, make an effort to be fair in your interactions. If the person feels foreign to you, make an extra effort to get to know them and relate to them on some level. For example, find something you relate on such as sports, reading, television, painting, having children, growing up in a big family, etc.
Embracing Respect as a Value
Practice self-respect. Respect starts with you. Respect yourself by knowing your rights as an individual and allowing yourself to make choices. Respecting yourself means enacting boundaries that acknowledge your health and needs. You are responsible for yourself and your own actions and feelings, and nobody else’s. This means that you can say “No” to people who ask you for something without feeling guilty or mean. If someone is disrespecting you and not seeing your intrinsic value as a person, you have the right to say something, such as, “Please don’t speak to me that way” or, “I’d like you not to touch me.”
Treat others how you want to be treated. If you want people to treat you with kindness, treat other people with kindness. If you want people to talk to you calmly, talk to others calmly. When you notice something you dislike in someone else, ensure that you don’t treat people in that same way. Instead, extend the kind of words and behaviors you’d like people to give you. For example, if someone is yelling at you, respond to them in a calm and understanding voice.
Put yourself into other people’s shoes. It can be hard to be respectful of other people’s views if you cannot relate to them. For example, if you’re in conflict with someone, imagine what it would be like to have their experiences and feelings. This can help you understand their point of view better and respond in a more empathetic way. Empathy is a skill that increases with practice. The more you try to understand others, the better you will become at relating to them. For example, if you’re unclear about something or disagree with someone, ask them to clarify or give you an example.
Acknowledge each person's intrinsic value. You don't have to like someone to treat them with respect. You simply have to acknowledge their basic worth as a human being, no matter who they are or how they are treating you. If you’re upset or angry with someone, they still deserve respect. If you’re struggling to control your temper and hold back mean or upsetting words, try taking a few deep breaths. Delay your words so that you can gain a sense of calm first.
Handling Conflict Respectfully
Value other people’s opinions. Listen to people’s ideas, opinions, and advice with an open mind. Even if you don't necessarily agree with them, consider their words without immediately dismissing them. Show that you value the person and what they are saying. You can do this by not speaking over them, asking questions to enhance your understanding, and listening to their opinion, even if it’s different from yours.
Speak with kind words. There is almost always a kind way to say something. This can be the difference between hurting someone’s feelings and making an insightful observation. If you tend to be hurtful or angry in your words, especially during disagreements, get into the practice of using kind words instead. For example, instead of saying, “You never pay at restaurants when we eat together,” say, “I got the last meal, would you like to get this one?” Using “I” instead of “you” statements when you talk to other people is more respectful and helps to communicate your perspective without making people defensive. Avoid putting someone down, speaking down to them, insulting them, and calling them names. If your discussion is at this point, it’s unlikely you’re treating them with respect. Take a break.
Apologize when you make mistakes. If you mess up, own it. It’s normal to make mistakes, but it’s important to acknowledge your mistakes and how they impact others. When you make an apology, show that you are remorseful and know that you made a mistake. If possible, make amends. Try saying something like, “I am sorry I raised my voice at you. That was rude and disrespectful. In the future, I will do my best to speak calmly to you.”
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