What Is Sacred Sexuality, and How Can You Practice It?

• Sacred sex is a spiritual act that connects you with divine, creative energy and can catapult you to higher states of consciousness through giving and receiving love.
• Cultivate sacred sexuality by engaging in meditation and prolonged eye contact with your partner, followed by conscious touching and exploration of each other.
• Sacred sexuality benefits you by triggering the release of feel-good hormones, promoting emotional healing, and enabling deeper intimacy and connectedness.

What is sacred sexuality?

Sacred sexuality recognizes sex as a spiritual act that connects you with the divine. Without sex, there would be no life. Sacred sexuality connects that creative energy with sexual energy, acknowledging that they both come from the same place. Sex also intensifies the bonding experience between two people, enhancing their trust and care for each other. Sacred sexuality is often associated with Tantra, but the experience is available to anyone—no extensive Tantra study required. The word "sacred" comes from the Latin word "sacrum," which is also the word for the bone at the base of your spine. In Tantra, this is the seat of sexual and creative energy, which rises up through the spine to awaken the spiritual centers of your brain. In this context, sacred sexuality is the process of awakening that energy and inviting it to flow.

How to Have Sacred Sex

Create a spiritual sanctuary of love in your bedroom. Set the mood with a relatively warm temperature, soft lighting (candles are great for this), and perhaps some low music in the background. Make the bed with soft sheets and blankets that have textures that feel wonderful next to your naked skin. You might also want to sprinkle rose petals on the bed for an extra romantic touch. Include anything you think you'll need, such as massage oils or lubricant, close by or on a bedside table so you don't have to hunt around and can stay in the moment.

Take a bath or shower to cleanse your body. Feeling fresh and clean will help you feel more comfortable being intimate with your partner (or even with yourself). It also helps you create a ritualistic space around your sacred sexual encounter. Feel free to use lotion or body oil if they make you feel more sensual. You might also put on a robe or satin slip—whatever helps you feel more comfortable in the moment.

Complete an essential oils ritual. Anointing each other with rose and sandalwood oils at each of your chakras (crown, third eye, heart, sacral) can add a touch of solemnity and spirituality to the occasion. While this ritual isn't necessary, it can help ground you and your partner in the moment. If you're not used to this sort of ritualistic behavior, this might feel silly or a touch embarrassing to you—and that's okay! You might want to forego it if it does nothing but make you giggle, though.

Connect to your spiritual side through meditation. If you're practicing sacred sexuality with a partner, sit facing each other in comfortable positions and draw your awareness to your breath. Meditate together to connect your body and your spirit so that you're integrated in the moment. As you meditate, clear your mind of any expectations about what you'll get out of your experience. Let go of any negative thoughts or hang-ups you have about your body or about sexuality (which might be easier said than done, especially at first). Note that you don't need a partner to practice sacred sexuality—you can just as easily do this by yourself. It also isn't necessary to have a long-term partner. You can engage in sacred sexuality with anyone who's open to having this experience with you.

Connect with your partner by gazing into their eyes. Prolonged eye contact can be uncomfortable for some people, but this eye contact is what encourages the development of a profound connection between the two of you. Relax your eyes and your face and focus on your breath. There's no specific time frame for you to do this. You might only do it for a couple of minutes or you might do it for a longer period—whatever feels right for you and your partner.

Do breathing exercises to connect to your breath. While continuing to make eye contact with your partner, start a simple breathing exercise to synchronize your breath. Breathe slowly and deeply in through your nose, then out through your mouth. Concentrate your thoughts on both your breath and your partner's breath. As both of you are gazing into each other's eyes and focused on your breathing, you'll likely find that the synchronization happens almost naturally. At this point, you might start to feel a little as though you're merging with your partner.

Follow your intuition to explore sexually. Sacred sex doesn't necessarily involve physical penetration or follow any set course that you might be used to. Instead, you're encouraged to follow your heart and touch your partner (or yourself) in ways that feel comfortable to you. The important thing is that you stay in the moment and stay mindful of how your body feels. Tune into your body to make your touch conscious. Guide your hands with awareness, appreciation, curiosity, and fascination. For instance, you might give your partner a sensual massage. Savor each moment of the experience, rather than focusing on any particular goal. Do everything you do for the purpose of exploring your connection (to your partner or yourself) rather than achieving climax.

Draw orgasmic energy into your heart. You might think orgasm is the whole point of sex, but not so with sacred sexuality. The purpose of sacred sexuality is the connection and expansion of spiritual awareness, but the ultimate release of an orgasm creates powerful energy that can be mentally and spiritually transformative. When you climax, draw that energy into yourself and your heart. Delaying orgasm can intensify the experience, bringing you closer to a full-body orgasm, which can help you transcend into higher states of consciousness.

Indulge in calming and connective aftercare. It's natural for such an intense experience to leave you spiritually and emotionally (as well as physically) drained. Take the time to rest and cuddle with your partner. Some light touching can also help bring you back to reality. Enjoy the lightness you feel and the intensity of your connection with your partner. Feel like a snack afterward? Dark chocolate and red wine both contain chemicals that help enhance the effects of the feel-good hormones that were released during your spiritual sex session.

Extend the experience by journaling about it later. Take a few deep breaths to calm and center yourself, then write about the experience. Chronicle everything you felt and thought. Use the record to reflect on what you've learned and how you grew mentally and spiritually. If you use a paper journal and write by hand, you might find it easier to process your thoughts.

Benefits of Sacred Sexuality

Hormonal release Conscious touch, like that practiced through sacred sexuality, increases your body's release of oxytocin, a feel-good hormone that's also known as the "love hormone." It also decreases your body's production and release of stress hormones, promoting relaxation. The love hormone also helps you bond and build trust with your partner, deepening your connection to each other.

Healing old spiritual or emotional wounds Sacred sexuality and conscious touch have the power to eliminate guilt, shame, and other negative messages about sex and sexuality that you've internalized. They can also help you heal from sexual trauma you've experienced in the past. For example, after a particularly intense sacred sexuality experience, you might find yourself crying, even though you feel wonderful. This is usually because of the emotional release of old negativity and trauma leaving you.

Deeper, more intimate connections There's no question that spiritual sexuality can help you feel closer and more profoundly connected to your partner. The more times you practice sacred sexuality, the deeper and more nuanced your connection will become. You'll also likely feel more deeply connected to others around you because the experience opens you spiritually. It's not uncommon for people who engage in sacred sexuality to also feel more deeply connected to the world in general. After all, you're tapping into the sacred life force. You might start to notice the energy around you and how all creatures are filled with the same energy and life force.

Higher states of consciousness People who practice sacred sexuality often report experiencing higher states of consciousness similar to people taking psychedelic drugs. Some people even fall into mystical, trance-like states. Don't be disappointed if you don't get to this level right away. It can take a lot of practice to be this open. You'll also need to have a profound connection with your partner.

Sexual endurance While it shouldn't necessarily be your goal, many people who practice sacred sexuality note that they're able to last longer as a result. Because sacred sexuality takes the focus off of orgasm as the goal of sex, they don't engage with that intent. Rather, they engage with the intent of exploring and connecting with each other. It's not uncommon for experienced Tantric practitioners to be able to have sex for hours without having an orgasm.