Legislation in place, but would you want to live-in?

Mumbai: Maharashtra government cleared the proposal to provide live-in relationships a legal standing, last week. This will give women in live-in relationships the status of 'wife'. Any offspring born of this relationship will also have equal rights to wealth and property, as a child born to married parents.

Do YOU think it's better to know your partner by living with him or her before getting married? Or do you frown upon this concept? We find out what some live-in couples have to say.

Testing the waters

Given a choice between a live-in relationship and marriage, the overwhelming majority still opt for marriage. But it is the approach towards marriage that has changed drastically. Nobody wants to go in for a marriage unquestioningly, and then find themselves trapped with no easy way out.

Prachi, 32, a journalist with a Mumbai daily, has been living in with her colleague and best friend for the past seven years. They plan to tie the knot in the next six months. She says, "Initially I never wanted to marry at all. But after living in with my partner for so long, we realised that it was working out well between us and we could go in for a long-term commitment."

Prachi believes that when you have lived in with your man, you know him in and out - so the chances of unpleasant surprises are reduced.

"When you're just seeing each other, as opposed to living together, you only see the best side of each other," she feels.

Jayant, 25, an American Accent Trainer with a BPO in Hyderabad, believes that it is extremely important to find out your compatibility quotient, before you commit. He has been living-in with Madhu, for the past one-year and is still exploring the idea of marriage. "Now I know Madhu's little quirks and eccentricities which I would not have discovered otherwise. Living-in has strengthened the bond between us, and who knows, we may just walk down the aisle someday," he speculates.

Having chosen to take a relationship to the next level from dating, it is not always easy to convince others of this decision. While some manage to gain the support of their parents, others choose to keep it a secret until they are completely sure. "I have been living in for seven years, but I let my parents know about it only three years back. It is best not to involve your family till you are yourself sure of what you want," feels Prachi.

The issue is not just about explaining yourself to parents. Society as a whole is hostile to the concept of live-ins. Ananya, 27, usability expert at HFI decided to move in with her colleague Jedidiyah, a couple of years back. According to her, any relationship should be based on conviction, not convention. She would not never marry someone for the heck of it, or just because others wanted her to.

But how do the people around her react to her decisions? "Though I have the complete support of my parents, I often have to be diplomatic with others. Especially when it comes to things like renting a house together. Some landlords do shut the door on us. "I do not introduce Madhu to everyone as my live-in partner. And since we cannot antagonise society, it is best to be diplomatic. I often lie by saying that we are engaged and will be tying the knot soon," confirms Jayant.

When it does not end in marriage

What happens when you discover, in the course of living together, that it is not working out? "You cut your losses and move on. It is extremely painful, but I have no regrets. Better now, than after years of marriage," affirms Mayur, 31, a media professional. He recently parted from his live-in mate of three years, Minal, when they discovered that there were too many differences to resolve.

But despite being frowned upon by society and the insecurity of it, live-in partners believe that till you know your partner well, lousy habits and all, it is silly to take a shot at forever. Yes, you may get emotionally involved with a commitment phobic, or feel that you invested too much in a relationship that wasn't meant to happen, but you have the comfort of knowing that you didn't walk into something blindfolded.

As Prachi sums up, "I am not afraid to make my own mistakes, as long as they are mine."