Fresh Dad Jokes
Lighten the mood with these fresh and creative dad jokes. There are so many dad jokes that people have heard before, but the following are fresh off the joke press. Here are the best dad jokes to make people laugh and bring good vibes into the conversation: How do snails fight? They slug it out. Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy. How does a taco say grace? “Lettuce pray.” What is Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1. What’s the best smelling insect? A deodor-ant. What do mermaids use to wash their fins? Tide. What’s a ninjas favorite type of shoes? Sneakers. What’s the derivative of Amazon? Amazon Prime. What do you call an Italian astronaut? A specimen. What kind of tea is the hardest to swallow? Reality. How do you get a country girl’s attention? A tractor. Why was the broom late for school? He over-swept. How much does an influencer weight? An Instagram. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They crack each other up. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear. What do you call a poor Santa Clause? St. Nickel-less. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it. What shivers at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired. What does a lemon say when it answers the phone? “Yellow!” What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Philipe Fallop. Where’s the best place to save your dad jokes? In a dadda-base. What do you call a criminal landing an airplane? Condescending. What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite. Did you hear about the actors who broke his leg onstage? He’s still in the cast. Why shouldn’t you make a dad joke if you’re not a joke? Because it’s a faux pa. How did the hipster burn his mouth? He sipped on his coffee before it was cool. Why did the pharmacist walk on her tiptoes? She didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills. Where do rainbows go when they’ve been bad? To prism, so they have time to reflect on what they’ve done.
Funny Dad Jokes
Drop a funny dad joke to make people roll their eyes (in the best way). There’s a thin line between funny and cheesy, and these dad jokes are the perfect blend of both. If you’re looking for a classic joke that prompts a lot of laughter, here you go: Where do skunks pray? In pews. Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9. How do you make 7 even? Take away the S. What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck. Why did the coffee call the police? It got mugged! How do you make Budweiser? Send him to school. What kind of car does an egg drive? A Yolkswagen. What kinds of photos do hermit crabs take? Shellfies. Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed! What’s the award for being the best dentist? A plaque. What’s the loudest kind of pet you can get? A trumpet. How is my wallet like an onion? Every time I open it, I cry. Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? He was too far out. What’s the best present? Broken drums! You can’t beat them. Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because he had a virus. Why did the teddy bear turn down a slice of cake? He was stuffed. Why didn’t the skeleton climb the mountain? It didn’t have the guts. Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems. What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? A meltdown. What did the alien say to the landscaper? “Take me to your weeder.” Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The P is silent. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot. Did you hear about the beautiful wedding? Even the cake was in tiers. Why did the baby cookie cry? Because its mother was a wafer too long. Why are Christmas trees bad at knitting? They always drop their needles. What did the mother broom say to the baby broom? “Time to go to sweep.” You know why they called it the “dark ages?” There were too many knights. Why do only some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out. Why should you never throw your grandpa’s false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
Corny Dad Jokes
Throw out a corny joke or pun to crack everyone up. Play around with words that sound similar to create a dad joke that’s seriously punny. The more cringe-worthy and clever, the better! Here are some of the corniest dad jokes for inspiration: How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it. How do surfers greet each other? They wave. What do you call a broken clock? A waste of time. Who won the neck decorating contest? It was a tie. What do you do to have a space party? You planet. What’s Santa’s favorite state to visit? Ida Ho Ho Ho. What’s a skeleton's favorite type of road? A dead end. What’s an astronaut’s favorite board game? Moon-opoly. Why is church on Sundays? God is a college football fan. What has more letters than the alphabet? The post office. What’s the Easter Bunny’s favorite type of music? Hip-hop. What crime was the cranky baby guilty of? Resisting a-rest. What did one wall say to the other? “I’ll meet you in the corner.” What’s the least-spoken language in the world? Sign language. If April brings May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims. How does your mother know all of my jokes? She’s momniscient. Why did the old man fall down the well? He couldn’t see that well. What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory. How long should socks be? Twelve inches, so you can fit in one foot. What do you need to make a highway in an art studio? A mile marker. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? They’re both Paris sites. Why did the fisherman go to church underwater? Because he believed in Cod. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus. Have you seen those traffic circles or driven around them? Well, they’re pointless. How does dry skin affect you at work? You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it. Why do people of all ages love elevator jokes? Because they work on so many levels. Why don’t pirates take a bath before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore. What did the lunch box say to the refrigerator? “Don’t hate me because I’m a little cooler.” Why did the chicken cross the road again? To get away from all these jokes you’re telling about him.
Stupid Dad Jokes
Tickle everyone’s funny bone with a wildly unserious dad joke. If you’re looking for a dad joke that’s so bad that it’s good, look no further! The following options are stupid, silly, and sure to make everyone smile: What’s brown and sticky? A stick. What do hillbillies drink from? Hiccups. What’s a foot’s favorite snack? Dori-toes. What’s the action like at a circus? In-tents. What should a sick bird do? Get tweetment. What did Sushi A say to Sushi B? “Wasa-B!” What do you call a fly without wings? A walk. What does a baby computer call its father? Data. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer. What’s big, gray and doesn’t matter? An irrelephant. What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y. What’s the best way to carve wood? Whittle by whittle. When is a door not really a door? When it’s really ajar. What did one bean say to the other? “How you bean?” What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time. Why did the toilet paper roll downhill? To get to the bottom. What grades did the pirate get on his report card? Seven Cs. Why are colds bad criminals? Because they’re easy to catch. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick! What happens when you witness a shipwreck? You let it sink in. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener. Why do birds fly south for the winter? Because it’s too far to walk. What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds. What can you do if you’re scared of elevators? Take steps to avoid them. What did one elevator say to the other? “I think I’m coming down with something.” Why did the snowman pick through a bag of carrots? Because he was picking his nose. What’s the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish. What’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? One you’ll see later, the other you’ll see in a while. Why did Mozart hate chickens? Because when he asked them for their favorite composer, they said, “Bach! Bach! Bach!”
Worst Dad Jokes
Come up with a cringe-worthy joke to make people laugh (and groan). Dad jokes are so beloved because they’re intentionally corny, but these jokes take the cake for being obvious and predictable. Here are the best, or worst of the worst, dad jokes to make everyone roll their eyes: What’s green and sings? Elvis Parsley. How do you catch a bra? With a booby trap. What’s the number one cause of divorce? Marriage. What do you call a fish with two knees? A tunee fish. What did the socks say to the pants? “Sup britches?!” Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle. What’s brass and sounds like Tom Jones? Trombones. What’s the best name for a man who can’t stand? Neil. What do clouds wear under their shorts? Thunderpants. What do you call a canine magician? A labracadabrador. What do you do when you see a spaceman? Park it in, man. How did Harry Potter get down the hill? Walking. JK! Rowling. What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback! How many bugs do you need to rent out an apartment? Tenants. What did the animals tell Simba when he walked too slow? “Mufasa!” What do you call a person with no body and no nose? Nobody knows. What did the drummer name his twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two. Why are there fences at cemeteries? Because everyone’s dying to get in. What did the left butt cheek say to the right butt cheek? “You crack me up!” What do you get a man with the heart of a lion? A lifetime ban from the zoo. Why does Waldo only wear stripes? Because he doesn’t want to be spotted. What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Nothing, it just waved. Why did the invisible man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it. How did Ebenezer Scrooge win the football game? The ghost of Christmas passed! Did you hear the one about the three watering holes in the ground? Well, well, well… Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? Poor guy really needed some space. What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious. What do you call a snobby criminal going downstairs? A condescending con descending. Did you hear about the guy who won the award for best knock knock joke? He won the no bell prize. Why do people who live in Greece hate waking up at dawn? Because Dawn is tough on Greece.
One-Liner Dad Jokes
Say a short and snappy one-liner to leave everyone in stitches. Looking for a hilarious dad joke to bring the house down? These sharp one-liners will provide all the LOLs you need and are perfect for all ages: Hi, I’m Cliff. Drop over sometime. Dogs can’t operate MRI machines. But catscan. Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked. My IQ test results came back—they were negative. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands. I was going to try an all almond diet, but that’s just nuts. I tried to make a joke about retirement, but it didn’t work. Believe it or not, I used to be cool, but then our AC broke. Justice is a dish best served cold. Otherwise, it’s just water. I’d like to shout out sidewalks for keeping me off the streets. How much does a chimney cost? Nothing, it’s on the house. My son has his BA and his MA, but his PA still supports him. I made a song about a tortilla once, now it’s more like a wrap. I went to a silent auction. I won a dog whistle and two minutes. Dad, when he puts the car in reverse: “Ah, this takes me back.” My wife asked me to sync her phone, so I threw it into the ocean. I’m so good at fixing things, my motto is, “If it’s broke, I’ll still fix it.” Watch what you say around the egg whites. They can’t take a yolk. My doctor told me I’m going deaf. The news was hard for me to hear. I got a new pen that can write underwater. It can write other words too. I went on Amazon to buy a lighter but all they had were 3,438 matches. If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It’s always 90 degrees there. I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, and then it dawned on me. A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot. My girlfriend keeps accusing me of cheating. She’s starting to sound like my wife. I found a book called How to Solve 50% of Your Problems, so I bought two copies. Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance…So I pushed her over. My kind wants to invent a pencil with an eraser on each end, but I just don’t see the point. I gave my handyman a to-do list, but he only did jobs 1, 3, and 5. Turns out he only does odd jobs. I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
Dad Jokes About Animals
Drop an animal-related joke to have your family howling with laughter. Cute, adorable, and absolutely hilarious, animals make the perfect punch line for a variety of dad jokes. If you know someone who’s obsessed with animals, these jokes are sure to make their day: What’s a frog’s favorite year? A leap year. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. Why was the whale sad? It lost its porpoise. What do whales eat for lunch? Fish and ships. What’s a dog’s favorite superhero? Labra-Thor. How do bees get to school? On the school buzz. What’s a bird’s favorite type of math? Owl-gebra. What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny! What do you call a dog who meditates? Aware wolf. What is the cutest creature in the sea? A cuddlefish. What kind of fish do penguins catch at night? Star fish. How do you catch a rare pygmy rabbit? Unique up on it. What contest do skunks win at school? The smelling bee! What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee. Where do sheep go for a tropical vacation? The Baa-Haa-Mas. Why can’t dinosaurs clap their hands? Because they're extinct. Why aren’t dogs allowed in bars? They can’t control their licker! What does a duck use to solve math problems? A quack-u-lator. What do you call a sheep who can sing and dance? Lady Ba Ba. Why do crabs never donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish. What did the bison say to his son when he left the ranch? “Bi-son.” Why couldn’t the shellfish farmer go for a run? He pulled a mussel. Why did the frog take the bus to work today? His car got toad away. Why did the elephant miss the last day of school? He was ill-i-phant. What do you call an alligator who solves mysteries? An investi-gator. Why didn’t the seagull fly over the bay? Because then it’d be a baygull! What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates. What do you call it when a group of apes start a company? Monkey business. What do you get when you cross a parrot with a caterpillar? A little walkie-talkie. Why did the duck get sent to the principal’s office? Because it was always quacking jokes in class!
Dad Jokes About Nature
Joke about plants, weather, and seasons to celebrate nature. The world is full of fun and humor, so take inspiration from Mother Nature to craft a hilarious dad joke. Reference flowers, oceans, seasons, and the elements to put a tree-mendous smile on everyone’s face: I tried to catch some fog, but I mist. What sound does a tree make? It barks. What’s a tree’s favorite drink? Root beer. What do you get if you plant kisses? Tulips. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. What type of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. What’s a tree’s least favorite month? Sep-timber. What type of plant sneaks up on you? An ambush. What can run without getting out of breath? A river. How do you cut a wave in half? You use a sea saw. What’s the funniest natural phenomenon? A cyclown. How do mountains keep warm? They wear snow caps. Why is grass so dangerous? Because it’s full of blades. Nature is so resourceful. It can make dew with just water. What did the little tree say to the big tree? “Leaf me alone.” What did the tree wear to the pool party? Swimming trunks. What did one volcano say to the other volcano? “I lava you.” How do trees solve an argument? They sign a peace tree-ty. I was going to grow some herbs, but I couldn’t find the thyme. For a fungi to grow, you must give it as mushroom as possible. What did the Jedi say to the tree? “May the forest be with you.” What do you call a flower that runs on electricity? A power plant. Where does seaweed look for a job? In the “kelp wanted” section. I couldn’t marry the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges. What did the tree do when the bank closed? It started its own branch. What did the flower say after it told a joke? “I was just pollen your leg!” What does seaweed say when it’s trapped under a shell? “Kelp! Kelp!” Why couldn’t the tree get on his computer? Because he couldn’t log on. Why doesn’t the sun need to go to college? Because it already has a million degrees.
Dad Jokes About Sports
Toss out a sports-related joke to make everyone sweat with laughter. Whether you’re chatting to a sports fan or player, joking about athletics is a great way to bond. Here are some sports-related dad jokes to knock it out of the park: What’s a golfer’s favorite letter? Tee. What’s an insect’s favorite sport? Cricket! What’s a cheerleader’s favorite color? Yeller! Why can’t pigs play soccer? They hog the ball. What’s the best animal in soccer? A score-pion. Why did the ballerina quit? Because it was tu-tu hard. What’s the hardest part about skydiving? The ground! What’s harder to catch the faster you run? Your breath! What kinds of stories do basketball players tell? Tall tales! What’s a ghost’s favorite position in soccer? Ghoul keeper. What does a sprinter eat before a race? Nothing, they fast! Why don’t football players wear glasses? It’s a contact sport. What’s something you can serve but never eat? A volleyball! Why is tennis such a loud sport? The players raise a racquet. Why shouldn’t you play tennis in the jungle? Too many cheetahs. Why did the basketball player go to jail? Because he shot the ball. Why couldn’t the baby score in basketball? He was always dribbling. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! Why did the baseball player get fired? He ran 3 bases then walked home. How is a baseball team similar to a pancake? They both need a good batter. What do hockey players and magicians have in common? Both do hat tricks! Where do basketball players go when they need a new uniform? New Jersey. What does a sports fan have in common with an angry chicken? A foul mouth. Why did the Yankees sign a contract with a baker? They needed a new batter! Why do basketball players love cookies and milk? Because they can dunk them. How do football players stay cool during the game? They stand close to the fans. Why did the coach say to the broken vending machine? “I want my quarter back!” Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course? He was perfecting his swing. What’s the difference between a quarterback and a baby? One takes a snap, one takes a nap. Why did the man keep doing the backstroke? Because he just ate and didn’t want to swim on a full stomach.
Dad Jokes About Food
Whip up a food pun or joke to give people something to taco about. Even if you’re not able to get your kids to eat their veggies, you might be able to get a laugh out of them at the dinner table. Here are some hilarious, food-related jokes to please even the pickiest of eaters: What’s a tortilla’s favorite genre of music? Wrap! Which vegetable has the best kung fu? Broc-lee. Why do melons have weddings? They cantelope. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do Bostonians call a fake noodle? An impasta. How fast is milk? It’s pasteurized before you know it. How many apples grow on an apple tree? All of them. How do you make an apple turnover? Push it downhill. Which fruit has the most active lifestyle? Mango-go-go! Why did the egg have a day off? Because it was Fryday. Where did you learn to make ice cream? Sundae school. What does a nosy pepper do? It gets jalapeño business! What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese! Did you hear about the famous pickle? He’s a really big dill. Why did the skeleton go to the barbeque? To get another rib. When potatoes have babies, what are they called? Tater tots. Where did the pumpkin have their meeting? In the gourdroom. Why is sausage bad for you? It brings out the Wurst in people. Which vegetable needed the Heimlich maneuver? The artichoke. What did one plate say to another plate? “Tonight, dinner’s on me.” Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it! What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, just a little wine. Why did the raisin go out with the prune? Because he couldn’t find a date. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Good food, no atmosphere. What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine’s Day? A hug and a quiche. Why did the coffee taste like dirt? Because it was ground just a few minutes ago. What happened at the cheese factory that exploded in France? De-brie everywhere! Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the gambling casino? Because he was on a roll. What did the mommy tomato say to the kid tomato when they were walking slowly? “Ketchup!”
Dad Jokes About Pop Culture
Make a pop culture reference to connect with a young person. If you want to make a child or younger relative laugh, incorporate a celebrity, character, or franchise into your dad joke. It’s an easy way to get a chuckle and start an engaging conversation about pop culture. Here are some example jokes to help you get started: Who’s the fastest pop star? Taylor Swift. What’s a baby’s favorite Pokémon? Pika-boo. How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poker face. Why did Mickey Mouse go to space? To visit Pluto. What do you call a mediocre superhero? Spider-meh. What band always needs to carry an inhaler? Weezer. Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he never lands. What’s Captain Hook’s least favorite social media? TikTok. What do you call a deep sea Transformer? Octopus Prime. Why didn’t Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner? It was Chewie. What magazine does the big bad wolf read? Porks Illustrated. What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale. Why shouldn’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she’ll let it go! What does Miley Cyrus eat for Christmas dinner? Roast twerky. What did Elvis say to his landscaper? “Thank you for the mulch!” What’s the most exclusive superhero team? The Just-us League. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prints. What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before getting married? Feyoncé. Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!” How does Spider-Man advertise his superhero services? On a website. What kind of sushi does Lady Gaga eat? Raw, raw, raw, raw, rawwww! What show do cows love to watch while they’re eating? Graze Anatomy. What do you call the security guards for Samsung? Guardians of the Galaxy. How do you make a peanut butter sandwich more rock and roll? Add Pearl Jam. Why did Papa Smurf send Smurfette to see a doctor? She was always feeling blue. How does Vin Diesel keep in touch with the Fast and Furious crew? On a Zoom call. Why did the Rolling Stones stop making music? Because they got to the bottom of the hill. Why wouldn’t Legolas share his snack with the rest of the Fellowhsip of the Ring? He’s elfish. How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front-ear. How many stormtroopers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, because they’re all on the dark side.
Dad Knock-Knock Jokes
Throw out a creative knock-knock joke for loads of laughter. Some knock-knock jokes have a reputation for being corny and cliché, but the following lines are the perfect blend of cheesy and charming. Here are some hilarious options to get the giggles going: Knock-knock. Who’s there? Etch. Etch who? Bless you! Knock-knock. Who’s there? Radio. Radio who? Radio not. Here I come. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Howard. Howard who? Good. Howard you? Knock-knock. Who’s there? Zoo. Zoo who? Zoo want to go out sometime? Knock-knock. Who’s there? Ben. Ben who? Ben thinking about you all day. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Sarah. Sarah who? Sarah doctor in the house? Knock-knock. Who’s there? Auto. Auto who? You auto know it’s me by now. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Juno. Juno who? Juno I think you’re cute, right? Knock-knock. Who’s there? Hugh. Hugh who? Hugh have an incredible smile. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Water. Water who? Water you doing later tonight? Knock-knock. Who’s there? Pauline. Pauline who? I’m Pauline in love with you. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Isabel. Isabel who? Isabel working? I had to knock. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it’s cold out here! Knock-knock. Who’s there? Ivana. Ivana who? Ivana take you out this weekend. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Baby Yoda. Baby Yoda who? Baby Yoda one for me! Knock-knock. Who’s there? Sherwood. Sherwood who? I Sherwood like to go out with you. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Wendy. Gwen. Gwen who? When will these jokes ever end? Knock-knock. Who’s there? Justin. Justin who? Justin time! I thought you weren’t home. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Wooden shoe. Wooden shoe who? Wooden shoe like to know? Knock-knock. Who’s there? Euripides. Euripides who? Euripides clothes, you pay for them! Knock-knock. Who’s there? Thermos. Thermos who? Thermos be a better way to get to you. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Eye. Eye who. Eye think you’re the funniest person I’ve ever met. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Ice cream. Ice cream who? Ice cream if you don’t give me some candy! Knock-knock. Who’s there? Little Old Lady. Little Old Lady who? Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Wire. Wire who? Boo. Boo who? Well, it’s only a joke. You don’t have to cry about it. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Norma Lee. Norma Lee who? Norma Lee I don’t talk to strangers, but you caught my attention.
What is a dad joke?
A dad joke is a corny joke or pun with a clear punchline. It’s the type of joke that fathers are known to tell their children, although you don’t have to be a dad to tell one. It’s predictable, over-the-top and intentionally corny, and usually features a pun or some form of wordplay.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
A joke becomes a dad joke when the punchline is obvious and cringey. Dad jokes can be clever, but they’re not subtle. In fact, the person telling the joke usually thinks their joke is funny because it’s actually not that funny. Think of a dad joke as the kind of joke that’s more laugh-inside funny than laugh-out-loud funny—it might make you groan or roll your eyes because of how corny it is!
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