How to Deal with Sensitive People

Understanding Sensitivity

Know that sensitivity is inborn, not a choice. Researchers believe that sensitivity may have genetic roots. While the person may gain better coping skills with age, it's likely that they will be sensitive for all their lives. In some cases, the person might wish they were less sensitive, or that they could turn it on and off at will. However, there's no way to do this.

Recognize that life can be tough for sensitive people. Highly sensitive people may have to cope with a world that can feel jarring, overwhelming, and uncaring. They may struggle to cope with strong emotions. Sounds, lights, smells, and tastes may feel more intense, which can be overwhelming. They may be more sensitive to the injustices of the world. They may get startled easily. Other people's disapproval may be especially devastating to them. Conflict may feel terrifying. They may experience headaches, dizziness, nausea, and weakness when overwhelmed. They may need extra down time. People may misunderstand or react unkindly to their sensitivity. The person may be accused of being dramatic, weak, manipulative, lazy, high-maintenance, or any number of things.

Keep in mind that high sensitivity can sometimes be a sign of a disability or emotional condition. Some people who are highly sensitive may have a developmental or mental health condition, and they might face extra challenges because of this. Keep in mind that a sensitive person may be struggling on a level that you can't see. Sensitivity is sometimes part of a condition like... Sensory Processing Disorder Autism ADHD An anxiety disorder

Recognize that sensitivity can come with advantages, too. Highly sensitive people are deeply emotional, and this can help them succeed in certain areas. Sensitive people are often: Conscientious Kind, empathetic, and caring Creative Good with animals Good at giving advice Passionate Genuine Deeply thoughtful Good at problem solving

Interacting Positively

Accept that they're going to be sensitive no matter what. People can change to some extent, but core traits of their physiology and personality are here to stay. If you're trying to help the person (like if they're your child), then focus on helping them gain coping mechanisms and skills, instead of trying to make them less sensitive. You can't "fix" the sensitivity, but you can help them learn to cope with it better.

Try asking them about their sensitivity. Understanding what they're sensitive to can help you better understand how to avoid problems and help them be comfortable. Try asking politely about their sensitivities, and practical ways to adjust. Here are some examples: "You mentioned that loud noises bother you. Would you prefer to eat outside, instead of in the crowded cafeteria?" "I noticed that you covered your eyes when I opened the blinds. Do bright lights often bother you?" "I saw that you got pale when Richard started talking about details of his surgery. Are medical things an upsetting topic to you?"

Keep a gentle and patient attitude. Sensitive people best respond to a calm, gentle, non-threatening tone of voice. A warm and encouraging attitude can help them get along well with you. If you want to persuade them, go for an encouraging and supportive tone. This is better than being pushy, which can make them shut down. Sensitive people may be easily rattled by an impatient or aggressive attitude. If you're losing your cool, try taking a break, and apologizing if you upset them.

Set them up for success. Don't push the sensitive person to do things that are likely to make them overwhelmed and uncomfortable. Instead, try to help them feel comfortable and make things easy. If a tough environment can't be helped, then see if things like headphones or longer breaks would make it easier. For example, instead of hanging out in a crowded mall, they might prefer getting takeout to eat at the park.

Give them encouragement and support. Let them know that you like them and accept them the way they are. Help them feel appreciated, understood, and valued.

Avoiding and Handling Problems

Help find a quiet and relaxing environment. If the environment is too loud or busy, the person may not be able to focus on interacting with you. Find quiet places to hang out, so that you can get the person's full attention. Try to avoid surprises in general.

Assume that a problem is real, even if you don't notice or understand what the person is talking about. A sensitive person might be bothered or even hurt by things that don't seem like a big deal to you. Assume that the problem is very real to them, even if you don't see it the same way.

Avoid making insensitive comments. It's not kind to dismiss, invalidate, or accuse a sensitive person because of who they are. Keep in mind that sensitivity is not a choice, and the person is probably doing the best they can to cope with the situation they're in. Avoid rude comments like: "Why are you so sensitive?" "You're too sensitive!" "You're just doing this for attention." "Get over yourself." "Stop being so dramatic." "You need therapy to fix this problem."

Validate their feelings and give them patience. Making reassuring and understanding comments can help calm the person. Try labeling their feelings, and treating their feelings as understandable. Here are some examples of helpful things to say: "I can tell you're pretty stressed." "I'm not surprised you're overwhelmed. It is pretty loud in here." "It's okay to cry. I don't mind." "Take as long as you need to calm down. There's no rush." "Of course you're hurt. It wasn't right of her to call you names." "I'm here for you while you deal with this." "You're allowed to be upset."

Be a calming and reassuring influence in times of stress. A sensitive person may get overwhelmed more easily. Keeping your cool, and doing your best to help them through it, can help calm them a little.

Try encouraging them to take action to calm themselves. If you can see them getting stressed or overwhelmed, remind them how they can handle it. Suggest that they take some deep breaths, take a break, or go somewhere quiet for a while. They may appreciate knowing that you're okay with them taking a break to manage their feelings.

Handle your own difficult feelings in private. Sometimes, you may feel frustrated, confused, or upset about the way the person acts. Or you may feel upset because you care about them and it's hard to watch them struggle. You're allowed to feel this way. Take some quiet time to sort through your emotions, or talk to a trusted mentor about what's going on. Never take out your feelings on the sensitive person. They're doing the best they can (just like you are), and it's important to stay kind. If you do mess up and treat them unkindly, don't beat yourself up. Instead, apologize and say you'll try to be more considerate next time.

Talk to the person about any interpersonal conflict. The two of you may not always get along, especially if you have very different temperaments. Talk about any issues that arise, and try making "I" statements to communicate your feelings. Here are some examples: "I know that noise from the laundry bothers you. It's hard for me to figure out a time to do laundry that works for both of us. Could we talk about a good laundry schedule?" "It hurts my feelings when people tease me about my bald spot. I know we do friendly teasing sometimes, and I'm okay with that. Let's just keep that part off-limits, okay?" "I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings when I made that comment about your picture. It was thoughtless of me. I'll try to be more considerate of your feelings in the future."