Noticing Changes in Your Interactions
Watch for changes in how moody your crush is when you spend time together. If you and your crush talk often or hang out in or outside of school, pay attention to changes in their attitude. If they used to be friendly and playful but suddenly start acting distant and moody, it’s possible that they are having conflicting feelings. If this is happening, try to not get super clingy. Give your crush a little bit of space so they can figure out how they feel. It could be a good time for you to evaluate your feelings, too.
Take note of how your crush acts when they see you in person. Look out for signs like your crush no longer saying “hi” to you in the hallway or waiting to walk to class with you. If you had normal interactions with your crush on a daily basis and they start to diminish, your crush might have changing feelings. Being ignored outright is a clear sign that your crush doesn’t feel the same way anymore. Especially if this change correlates to them starting to treat someone else more affectionately.
Pay attention to canceled plans as a sign your crush is into someone else. If you and your crush are friends and hang out regularly, pick up on times when they bail on plans or ditch you. This is a pretty good sign that there might be something or someone else they are hoping to spend time with. Similarly, if your crush suddenly becomes hard to pin down or avoids making plans with you, it could be a sign of a similar situation.
Observe how quickly (or slowly) they respond to your messages. If you’re used to quick responses and frequent messages with your crush and that suddenly slows down or stops, there is probably a reason for it. It’s possible that something else is going on, but if this change is consistent for several weeks it might be because they are busy messaging someone else. You could also ask them directly if everything is okay. Maybe they’re having a hard time or are overwhelmed with school or work. If you’re close friends, it could be worth bringing it up.
Listen to how often they name-drop during your conversations. If your crush is continually talking about a new person, it could be because they are attracted to or interested in them. If the same name keeps creeping up every time you interact, pay attention—this could be the sign you’re looking for. It’s totally possible your crush doesn’t even realize they’re doing this. Think about how many times you’ve probably mentioned your crush to your friends in passing before you realized you were talking about them so much.
Investigating and Asking Questions
Check out their social media to see what they’re up to. Don’t get too obsessive, but taking a glance at their social media pages can tell you a lot about who they’re talking to and where they’re going. You might be able to see who they’ve become friends with recently or if they’re liking a lot of posts from a particular person. To avoid torturing yourself, try putting a limit on how often you’ll look at their social media, like once a day instead of once every hour.
Listen to rumors you hear about your crush and their love life. While rumors aren’t always true or good sources of information, sometimes they are. Take each rumor with a grain of salt, but if the source is a trustworthy person, it might be worthwhile to listen. For example, if you hear from three different people that your crush was holding hands with someone at the movies, that’s a clear sign that they are into someone else.
Get input from your friends about the situation. Your friends may be able to see your situation with your crush more clearly than you can. Ask them for their opinions and to keep their eyes open when they’re around your crush so they can clue you in to what’s going on. You might get news you don’t want from one of your friends. If this happens, don’t get mad at your friend. It’s okay to be upset, but remember that your friend didn’t do anything to you.
Talk to your crush’s friend discreetly to see if they know any information. This works best if you know your crush’s friends and can have a conversation with them without it seeming too weird. Keep in mind that this person may tell your crush that you were asking about them, but it could also give you some important insider information. For example, try saying something like this to your crush’s friend: “Hey Ryan, I noticed that Jade has been spending a lot of time with Ben. Is there something going on there?”
Ask your crush directly if they like someone. This can be a little risky, but if you feel that your crush has their eyes on someone else, it might be worth it to find out for sure so you can move on with your own life. Try to phrase the question in a non-confrontational way and make it seem like you’re just generally curious about it. For example, you could say something like, “Hey Max, I was wondering if you were interested in Kylie. I noticed you guys have been spending a lot of time together.” If they ask why you want to know, say, “Oh, I was just curious.”Warning: If you don’t know or talk to your crush often, it’s probably best to avoid asking them this question. Prying into their personal life when you don’t have a friendship could make them uncomfortable.
Watching for Changes in General Behavior
Watch your crush’s eyes to see who they’re following. One of the key ways to find out who your crush is, well, crushing on, is to figure out who they’re paying attention to. If you’re in class, at an event, or out with friends, take a peek to see who your crush is watching. If they’re consistently gazing at a specific individual, that could be a sign that they’re developing a crush of their own.
Observe who they’re sitting by or initiating conversations with. When you have a crush, you’re often drawn to them and end up in the same space so you can be close to them. Watch your crush—are they moving desks to sit by someone else during class or switching tables at lunchtime? Do they go out of their way to talk to a specific person? Maybe this person is just a friend, but it also could be someone your crush is romantically interested in.
Take note of your crush getting nervous or excited around a specific person. When you see your crush interacting with the same person often, pay attention to how they act—are they nervous, do they get a little hyper, do they blush or fumble their words? These are all signs that your crush may be experiencing some romantic feelings of their own. Think about the ways you know when someone has a crush on you or how you feel you’re acting when you see or talk to your crush. You can often apply those same principles to your crush to figure out how they’re feeling.
Check out how much time they’re on their phone. Of course, there are lots of reasons why someone might be on their phone a lot. But if your crush is texting all the time and is constantly checking their phone for notifications, that’s a clear sign that they’re distracted by something or someone. On the same page, listen to how your crush reacts when their friends ask them what they’re doing or who they’re talking to. If they get defensive or start acting embarrassed, chances are that they’re developing feelings for someone else.
Pay attention to changes in their personal style. When someone likes someone else, it’s really common for them to start dressing or acting in a way they think that person will like. For example, if you notice that your crush has suddenly started wearing band T-shirts and dyeing their hair and that lines up with them starting to spend time with an avid concert-goer, that might indicate that they’re interested in that person. Keep in mind that people do experiment with their look all the time—so this might not be a sure-fire sign that they have a crush on someone else. But, if it pairs up with some other signals, it could be true.
Moving on from Your Crush
Avoid blaming yourself or thinking that you’re not good enough. If you find out your crush does like someone else, don’t beat yourself up! Steer clear of harsh self-talk and instead focus on the great things about you that you love. Just because this person doesn’t like you doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of being liked—it just isn’t working out in this particular situation.Try This Out: If you can’t stop criticizing yourself, try making a list of 5 things you like about yourself. From your sense of humor to your personal style or a generous spirit, there are lots of great things about you to take note of.
Remember that your crush is allowed to like and be with other people. To keep yourself from being bitter, avoid villainizing the person your crush chose to be with. Instead, work on accepting that your crush is their own person who can make their own choices. It might hurt that they didn’t choose you, but it’ll be okay in the end. Try to keep in mind that you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you, too.
Give yourself time and space to get over your crush. Most likely, your feelings won’t go away overnight. Even if you were friends with this person before, it might healthiest for you to put a little space between you. Seeing them constantly won’t help you get over your crush and move forward with your life. Take some time to readjust your expectations for this person. If you were friends before, you might want to think about their role in your life. Maybe you can still be friends but just not be as close as you used to be.
Focus on yourself, your friends, and the things you enjoy doing. Try your best to get out of your head and focus on living your life while you’re trying to get over your crush. It can be really hard and you may feel like hibernating for a few weeks while you nurse your heartache, but take this time to invest in your friendships, practice some self-care, and enjoy your hobbies. It’s also totally okay to be sad and feel your feelings. Just try to not dwell in that sadness for too long.
Confide in a friend to talk out your feelings. Sometimes simply verbalizing what you’ve been feeling can be really healing and make those feelings less intense. Ask a trusted friend if you can talk to them about something, and then just let it all out. Even if they already knew about your crush, it can be helpful to verbally work through your sadness about it not working out. Try to avoid complaining for weeks on end about your situation, though. That can be really trying for a friend and annoy them.
Let yourself like someone else (or no one at all). Instead of pining over your crush for weeks or months, give yourself permission to be attracted to other people. Or, if you feel like you want a break from romance for a while, become comfortable with focusing on yourself and steer clear of crushes for a while. Remember that there are other things in your life, like your friends, family, and hobbies, that can help make you feel fulfilled. If you want to focus on other things right now, that is perfectly fine!
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