How to Flatulate Secretively (Teenagers)

In the Classroom

Try to get up and go to the pencil sharpener, and while you are sharpening your pencil loudly, try to fart as silently as you can. As soon as you flatulate, be sure to walk away fast because you don't want the fumes to get stuck to your clothes. But also make sure that the smell doesn't follow you.

Always get a seat with a "puffy" soft surface. Not like a wood chair but like your couch. Being in seats like that will reduce a lot the risk of a sounding fart. If you can't get a seat like that, sit on your sweater or jacket.

Put your weight on one of your buttocks and lean in the same direction as your buttock (ex. put your weight on your right buttock and lean to the right). This separates your buttocks and makes your fart silent. You could also drop your pencil on the floor and reach for it so you don't look weird leaning to the left or right in your chair. CAUTION: The smell will go to the opposite direction you are leaning in, so aim your gasses to an empty area.

Ask to use the restroom. The teacher may say yes, and then you can do it in the bathroom!

Drop a textbook or another heavy object to generate a loud noise. Release your fart precisely as the object makes contact with the floor, as this will effectively cancel out the noise. Be sure to time your release exactly right. If you fart too soon, the noise will still be heard. If you fart after the book is dropped, the book will draw attention to you and your fart will be noticed by more people.

Purchase a noise cancellation device, and arrange it in a comfortable position between the crack on your bottom and the seat of your trousers. Make sure that it has a noise sensor, that is activated by the occurrence of a sound. It should be able to effectively cover up any noise released from your fart. (Note: does not necessarily account for the odor, so be cautious. In addition, practice several times at home before using it at school, in case something goes wrong).

On an elevator

Get your timing right. Timing is critical in this situation.

Be sure to emit only small bursts as floors are reached and the electronic indicator emits the beeping noise. You may also be able to make use of the time during which the doors are opening and closing, depending on the condition of the elevator and how loud this function may be.

Be sure to show subtle signs of disgust as if the people who have entered the elevator are those who are emitting a foul smell. This is only if you can smell your fart, however.

If all else fails, get out of the elevator and take the stairs.

While Shopping

Go to an empty aisle and let it rip, then get out of there as fast as you can.

If you are near people, lean over as if you are going to grab an item on a lower shelf, let it rip, and then blame the nearest person.

While Eating lunch

Get your table to laugh loudly or wait until everyone does start laughing while you secretly let one rip.

Try to get everyone to start a clapping contest to see who can clap loudest.

In The Pool

If you have to flatulate in the pool, get out of the pool and into the bathrooms/change rooms.

Splash to hide those rising bubbles. This is for if you fart in the pool.

Dive to the bottom (or close to the bottom) of the deep end and then swim away before the bubbles reach the surface. If they reach the surface, people think it is you breathing out.

Quickly head to the hot tub. Here you can fart unnoticed because of the bubbles that are already there.

Jump in the pool, and as soon as you're in the water, fart! All the bubbles surrounding you will cover it up. Also, nobody can smell your fart underwater!

In the Library

Get into a book aisle that is not occupied by anybody. If you can do that, people are less likely to notice.

In a situation in which there are people everywhere, try to secretly release bits of your toxins as you walk on by.

Walk by the librarian's desk and release, if you're heard, point towards the person behind the desk. They'll look clueless, which may save you from a terrible embarrassment.

Lock yourself in a bathroom stall to relieve yourself.

During P.E.

Wait until you start running to flatulate. As you run, release small bursts of your toxins. If your fart is loud, pretend that you aren't the one who farted.

During a sport, run to where no one is occupying and let it rip. Pray it's a silent one.

At A Sleepover

While talking, raise your voice as if to emphasize a point. While your voice is raised, release your gas. If this action causes a smell, quickly be the one to ask, "Who farted?"

Wait until everyone is laughing hard, and let it rip. Either your fart won't be noticeable, or the fart will cause more laughter.

If you can do an armpit fart, walk as far from the group as possible, saying, "I need to fart," as if you're about to do something incredible. Don't turn your back to them. Still in plain sight, do a fake armpit fart (where no noise comes out), and fart at the same time. If it's a silent fart, pretend to have failed at the armpit fart and walk back, saying "Dang, it didn't work." If it sounds too realistic, laugh and say, "I bet you can't do one as good as that!" You may initiate a full-on armpit fart contest!

You can play a prank with a fart: You feel the need to fart but you withhold it. Then go to someone at the sleepover ( please choose wisely )wear a sad or strained expression on your face and walk up to him/ her.Stop and slowly extend your arm with your forefinger pointing at the victim,and with a pitiful voice say: ' Please, hold my finger for a while' or whatever you might think convincing.The victim is suspicious and reluctantly holds your finger looking at you in the eye. With a perfect sense of timing you let out a sonorous big fart. The victim is so startled the he/she even jumps back and hollers...everybody split their sides with laughter... and even the victim may join in.

While in bed to sleep, try to silently fart without being detected. If the person whose house you're staying over at has a dog, make sure the dog is by you. You can quickly blame it on the poor, unsuspecting animal. If the person doesn't have a dog, try to hold it until everyone is asleep or quietly excuse yourself to the bathroom.