How to Give Someone a Hickey

Understanding Hickeys

Know what a hickey is. A hickey, also known as a "love bite" or "kiss mark" is essentially a bruise caused by sucking or aggressively kissing another person's skin. It is initially red in color, due to broken blood vessels beneath the skin. It will later turn purple or dark brown as it heals.

Understand why you would want to give someone a hickey. Hickeys are a mark of passion. They are often done in the heat of the moment. Contrary to popular belief, hickeys should be shared as a token of physical affirmation and pleasure as opposed to showing ownership over a partner.

Always ask for permission first. A hickey is a sexual mark, which makes it inappropriate for school, work, or visiting grandparents. Some people may wish to avoid the embarrassment of being caught with a hickey, so it is important to check in with whoever is receiving the hickey to see what they are comfortable with. In addition, receiving a hickey can be somewhat painful, which is a mood killer for some people. However, some people enjoy this aspect of the experience.

Making Your Mark

Build up the tension. Don't just dive directly onto your partner's neck and go in for the hickey. Spend some time kissing and French kissing first, then move your lips to your partner's throat. Start with light kisses, then move into harder and more insistent kisses around the throat and collarbone. If your partner seems to enjoy it, you're probably clear to move into giving a hickey, but you should always check in with them first. "Hickey" isn't the sexiest word to whisper into someone's ear, so if you've avoided asking for permission until now, you should mention that you'd like to leave a mark on your partner's skin and see how they respond.

Hickeys work on any skin type, and any section of the body. They are usually found on the neck. However, the skin in the crook of your elbow or on the inner thigh are also pleasurable locations. If you know your partner would be extremely embarrassed at having a visible hickey, don't just put it in the middle of the throat where anyone can see, and ask them where the most comfortable location is. The side or the back of the neck is a good bet if your partner has long hair, or you could go to the collarbones, closer to the shoulder, so the skin can be covered by a regular crew-neck T-shirt.

Part your lips slightly, and place them on the skin. Imagine you are making the letter "O" with your lips, then press them firmly onto your partner's skin so that you can make a good seal, without leaving any gaps for the air to escape. Try to keep your mouth soft and inviting as you do this, instead of going into a hard pucker.

Suck the skin. The key here is to suck hard enough to break the capillaries just beneath the skin, but not so hard that you cause your partner too much pain. You will need to suck for 20 to 30 seconds in order to make a mark. Remember: Keep your teeth out of the way. You don't want them digging painfully into your partner's skin. Teeth can be used lightly to intensify the pleasure of the experience if that is what your partner desires. Break up the sucking. If 30 solid seconds of hickey-making strikes you as too weird, try 10 seconds, some kissing, then another 10 seconds in the same spot, and so on. Control the amount of spit in your mouth. You don't want to be leaving a creepy drip of slobber on your partner's neck as you give a hickey, so try to swallow back any excess.

End it smoothly. When you're done sucking, try laying a few gentle kisses on the area, which probably feels more sensitive now. Resume making out as usual.

Wait a few minutes for the visible hickey to appear. Just as when you get a bruise, you won't be able to see the hickey immediately. It should show up after 5 or 10 minutes, and could be anywhere from light pink to dark purple.

Make it darker if this is something your partner would like. To achieve this, return to the same spot and repeat the process again. Or move to another location if requested.

Stop if you're asked to. Maybe your partner thinks they're cool with having a hickey, but they hate the way that it feels while you're doing it. Or your partner decides they can't risk their parents or employer seeing the mark. Always respect your partner's wishes if they say "no," even if you've already started the process. A hickey is sometimes seen as a mark of trust, so abusing that trust is not okay.

Hiding a Hickey

Use concealer. A little heavy make-up or concealer can be pretty effective for covering up a hickey. Just make sure you get a color that matches your skin tone, and to blend it in. Stage make up is extra thick and heavy, so you may resort to that if you're trying to conceal a real whopper.

Wear a scarf. A scarf is your best friend when attempting to conceal a hickey on your neck, as a scarf is a fashionable item which no one will question you wearing (unless it's 100 degrees outside). Wrap the scarf strategically around your neck, and make sure to check it in a mirror from time to time to make sure the material hasn't moved, leaving your hickey exposed. Other options for covering a neck hickey include wearing a turtleneck (again, when weather conditions allow) or wearing your hair down, if it's long enough.

Cover it with a band aid. A band aid will effectively cover up a hickey and give it time to heal away from the prying eyes of the world.

Try to speed up the healing. Arnica cream is said to speed up the healing of bruises, so it may also be effective for clearing up hickeys. There are numerous other home remedies that supposedly help to speed up healing, such as applying an ice pack, rubbing the hickey with a comb, scraping the hickey with a coin and covering the hickey with toothpaste. All of these methods, and more, are outlined in the article How to Remove a Hickey.