How to Know if Someone Has a Dependent Personality Disorder

Assessing the Situation

Understand a possible cause of Dependent Personality Disorder. The person's childhood may have laid the foundations for developing dependent personality disorder. Overly anxious or insecure parents are often the cause of a child's inability to individuate from them. If they were constantly punished or made to feel guilty for seeking independence as a child, they may feel that independent thought and action is a bad thing. While the goal is to eventually move on, understanding the factors leading to their disorder can help. If you can take the time to listen to them and gently ask questions about their childhood, a pattern of unhappy attachment might be revealed. Note that there may be a combination of genetic, biological, and environmental factors that lead to this disorder.

Recognize the signs. You will need to look for five or more of the following characteristics to be able to draw an initial conclusion that someone might be suffering from Dependent Personality Disorder. The following traits in combination are indicative (although, to be sure, the person will still need professional diagnosis): Do they constantly experience difficulty in making everyday decisions? Needing an excessive amount of advice and reassurance from others before undertaking any task is a sign of deep dependence. If they're unable to initiate or complete small tasks on their own, this might be a problem. Ask these questions: Some people enjoy making decisions; others prefer to have someone they trust guide them; which do you prefer? Do you seek advice for everyday decisions? Do you often need help to get started on a project? Do they allow other people to make decisions for them in areas that directly affect their life? Needing others to assume responsibility for most major areas concerning their life shows immaturity and a lack of understanding about the importance of self-responsibility. Ask them this: Do you find yourself in situations where other people have made decisions about important areas in your life, for example, what job to take? Do they go to excessive lengths to obtain nurturing and support from others? This may even occur to the point of them doing unpleasant things. Ask them this: Do you volunteer to do unpleasant things for others so they will take care of you when you need it? Are you uncomfortable when you are alone? Are you afraid you will not be able to take care of yourself? Do you worry about important people in your life leaving you? Do they urgently seek another relationship as a source of care and support when a close relationship comes to an end? Do they jump into rebound relationships, for example, meaning they must find someone new to date quickly after a breakup? Do they feel helpless when alone because of exaggerated fears of being unable to take care of themselves, whether financially, emotionally, or even physically? Ask them this: Have you found that you are desperate to get into another relationship right away when a close relationship ends? Even if the new relationship might not be the best for you? Do they constantly struggle to express disagreement with others? If they fear disapproval, rejection, and a loss of support from others, they will likely try too hard to please people. Note that this must exclude realistic fears of retribution. Ask them this: Is it hard for you to express a different opinion from someone you are close to? What do you think might happen if you did? Do you often pretend to agree with others even if you do not? Why? Could it get you into trouble if you disagree?

Check additional criteria. Sometimes people seem like they have Dependent Personality Disorder when they really don't. If the above criteria are met, see if they also meet the following criteria before considering a diagnosis of dependent personality disorder. Note that if any of these are not met, it's not dependent personality disorder: Do their behaviors deviate significantly from the norms of her culture in at least two of the following areas: Cognition (perceiving and interpreting things, people, and events, and forming attitudes and images of self and others). Affect (range, intensity, and appropriateness of emotional arousal and response). Control over impulses and gratification of needs. Manner of relating to others and of handling interpersonal situations. Do their symptoms manifest across a broad range of personal and social situations, not limited by specific triggers or situations? If so, their symptoms are considered pervasive, inflexible, and maladaptive. Do their symptoms of dependency cause her personal distress, or adversely impact their social environment? Are their symptoms stable and of long duration, having an onset of late childhood or adolescence? Can other adult mental disorders be excluded as possible causes for their symptoms of dependency? Can organic brain disease, injury, or dysfunction be excluded as possible causes for their symptoms of dependency? A frail grandmother who cannot take care of herself does not have dependent personality disorder.

Consider how the person appears to feel when left alone. Does he feel helpless, uncomfortable, and anxious? Are they indecisive and angry with themselves for not knowing what to think or do? Think about how they react when the person they're attached to returns. Do they leap on this person straight away expecting immediate attention and even scold this person for leaving them alone? Feeling helpless, abandoned, and uncomfortable when on his own frequently occurs as a result of exaggerated fears of not being able to take care of themselves. Pay heed to people who are unrealistically preoccupied with thoughts and fears of being left alone to take care of themselves. It is a warning signal that they don't feel able to cope alone, no matter how easy the task or the life they're leading.

Assisting Someone With Dependent Personality Disorder

Help the person learn to take responsibility. This isn't a habit that she can simply "snap out" of. It will take them time to learn to stand on their own two feet and to feel safe expressing their own thoughts and opinions. Set small, achievable tasks that you know they could manage without trouble. When they have completed them all alone, praise her and increase the difficulty of the tasks gradually. Talk to them about things they enjoy doing. Whenever they're about to be left alone, suggest those activities. Help them learn to trust themselves. Offer her books on improving self-confidence, book her into a course on improving self-confidence, and spend time telling them what you have noticed they're really good at doing. Get them exercising, eating balanced meals, and reducing stress. Treat any addictions. Be careful that they don't disengage from others too much, as social support itself does act to reduce stress. Be alert to the possibility of abuse victimization. Their neediness makes them extremely vulnerable to abuse. Make sure you ask yourself honestly whether you are playing a role in encouraging their dependency.

Encourage the person to read as much as possible about the disorder. Having an understanding of their disorder and seeing that they're not alone can be an immense relief for them, as well as showing them a way forward.

Encourage them to get professional help. Dependent personality disorder can be treated through psychotherapy or psychoanalysis. It is not a life sentence. It is important to motivate the person to seek help. Talk about how therapy can help improve their lives and their relationships with the people they're currently relying on. Many people with DPD deal with intense fears of abandonment or rejection. It's important for the mental health professional to also check for depression, anxiety, panic disorders, and somatic distress.Did You Know? Many people with DPD resist getting therapy at first. They may be in denial or think that things can never get better.

Avoid criticizing them. Don't use negative phrases or wording when encouraging them to seek therapy. Telling them that they're "too passive," "too dependent," or a "pain to deal with" will only make things worse. Instead, try to focus on positive language. For example, you might say, "Becoming more independent will ultimately make you happier and more fulfilled."

Do your own part to let go. If the person is depending on you, you're going to need to change your behavior in order to change theirs. If you have long acted as a protector, guardian, adviser, or as someone who is willing to deflect life's hardships for this person, you might have enabled unhealthy behavior. Start withdrawing this kind of support while she learns to stand on their own two feet. Try to be cautious not to second-guess the decisions they make. Instead, let them make and learn from mistakes, and to help them learn that advice doesn't always need to be taken. You don't have to stop helping entirely. Instead, start offering less advice over time, until you're offering about the same level of help that you'd give a mentally healthy person.