Telling Him Straight
Be up front about how you feel. The next time you're talking to your crush one-on-one, bite the bullet and tell him you like him. You might be buzzing with anxiety, but you'll feel so much better once you get it off your chest. To make your admission feel more organic, wait for an opportune moment to let the cat out of the bag, like after a bout of laughter or just before you take your leave. Broach the subject gracefully by opening with a line like, "I know we've only known each other for a few weeks, but I've become really attached to you in that time." Smiling or even giggling while making your feelings known will help break the tension and keep things from becoming awkward. EXPERT TIP Sarah Schewitz, PsyD Sarah Schewitz, PsyD Licensed Psychologist Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships. Sarah Schewitz, PsyD Sarah Schewitz, PsyD Licensed Psychologist Don't take it too personally if he says no. Love and relationship psychologist Dr. Sarah Schewitz says: "Remember, whatever the guy's reaction is, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It just has to do with the fit between the two of you. If you keep that in mind, it's easier to be vulnerable, because you know that their opinion of you doesn't define your worth."
Send him a text if you're too shy to talk in person. Sometimes, it can be hard to work up the courage to tell a guy that you think he hung the moon face-to-face. In this case, a simple text message can make you feel a lot less self-conscious. Lay your cards on the table by saying something like, "Hey, I just wanted to tell you that I really like you," or be coy about your affections by saying something like "You're so funny! How are you still single?!" One advantage of sending a text is that you can read over and revise your message as many times as you want before sending it to make sure your wording is just right. Texting puts a little bit of safe distance between the two of you, which will allow you to express your interest without the fear of rejection getting in the way. Use Emojis to dress up your text and be more clear about your feelings toward him.
Pass the word along through his friends if you don't know what to say. If you’re just too bashful to pour your heart out to him yourself, see if one of your mutual friends would be willing to act as a go-between. Doing so could encourage him to reach out to you first, especially if they're nice enough to put in a good word for you. If the two of you have friends in common, ask them to drop hints on your behalf: "I'm into Adam, but I'm too nervous to tell him. Think you could find out how he feels about me?" Assuming you don't know any of his friends, you may have to get creative. If you see him talking to one of his buddies at a party, you might arrange to run into the same friend later on and say, "Do you know that guy over there? He's super cute."
Leave the ball in his court. Once you've made your feelings known, it will then be up to him to decide how to respond. Either way, you can rest easy knowing that you were confident and self-possessed enough to be honest with him. That's something to be proud of no matter how things turn out. Be prepared for whatever reaction you get. In the best case scenario, he'll confess that he has a thing for you, too. In the worst case, he'll let you down easy, or he might not know what to say at all.
Chatting Him Up
Walk right up and start a conversation. Oftentimes, the direct approach is the best approach. This might seem kind of forward, but it’s usually a good way to make a strong first impression. Being reluctant to put yourself out there could end up costing you an opportunity to get to know one another. Talking to someone you’re attracted to for the first time can be intimidating, but keep in mind that the worst that can happen is you don’t hit it off and things are no different than they were originally. If you spend the entire time avoiding the guy you're interested in because you’re stressing about what to say and how to act, he may interpret your avoidance as disinterest.
Keep the conversation focused on him. Once you’ve managed to strike up a dialogue, ask him questions that show you’re interested in who he is and what he’s all about. Getting to know a little bit about him can be a stepping stone to forming a deeper, more personal connection. Simply saying “tell me about yourself” will usually be enough to get a guy to open up, but if you’re searching for a more specific topic, try a lead-in like, “How do you know X ?”, “Where are you from originally?”, or “What do you do for a living?” Nod, offer verbal affirmations like “Yeah” and “Wow, really?”, and respond with follow-up questions to demonstrate that you’re paying attention and eager to learn more.
Find ways to relate to him. As he shares his history, thoughts, feelings, and opinions, listen for things you have in common and point them out. Highlighting your similarities will make you feel like kindred spirits, which is more likely to make your interest mutual. Make him more aware of the areas where you line up by interjecting with remarks like “That’s so funny, I went to the same summer camp as a kid!” or “Schnauzers are my favorite dog breed, too. Most people think I’m weird because I think they’re so cute!” It’s possible to identify with a guy even if you don’t have the same job, friends, or interests. Sometimes, all it takes is feeling the same way about a certain subject to prove that you’re like-minded.
Laugh at his jokes. Whenever he says something humorous, reward him with a laugh or a gleeful giggle. Not only will this serve as a sign that you find him likeable, it will also encourage him to loosen up and continue talking to you. Even a beaming smile can be a tremendous confidence booster. Try not to overdo it or sound forced. Fake laughter tends to be pretty obvious, and can come off more as pity than appreciation.
Tease him playfully. These days, the capacity for sarcasm or dry wit is considered a very attractive trait. A little lighthearted banter can be enjoyable for both of you, but avoid saying anything that might step on his ego. Your quips should be accompanied by a friendly smile and open body language that communicates your interest in a non-critical fashion. Make sure your teasing remains playful rather than pointed. For example, if he accidentally spills his drink on your shoes, you might say something like “Good thing I wore sandals” rather than reacting with a mocking comment that might embarrass him. Teasing, no matter how lighthearted, might not be the best course if he’s obviously shy or nervous around you. If this is the case, stick to earnest discussion.
Use a little flattery. Everyone loves to be praised. Complimenting a guy's appearance is one of the easiest, most straightforward ways of letting him know you’re into him. You might tell him what a nice smile he has, or mention that he looks fit and ask him if he works out. If you’re trying to play it cool, you could also try throwing out a more subtle observation like “I love your shirt. It really brings out the color of your eyes.” Don’t forget to say something nice about his personality as well so he’ll feel like more than just a piece of eye candy.
Tell him you’d like to talk to him again before you go your separate ways. When it comes time to say goodnight, end the conversation with a parting line like, "I had a really great time talking with you. I hope we can do it again sometime." The right sign-off will leave him wanting more and create an opening for you to carry on your flirtations later. Working in some subtle nonverbal cues, like making lingering eye contact or touching his elbow just before you go, can help you drive your point home. Assuming you’ve played your cards right, he’ll more than likely ask for your phone number. If he’s clearly interested but too smitten to ask, take the initiative and offer yours or ask for his instead. EXPERT TIP "In the right moment, confidently ask if they would be interested in meeting again so the two of you can get to know each other better." Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC Marriage & Family Therapist Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF). Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCCMarriage & Family Therapist
Working Your Body Language
Make fleeting eye contact. Lock eyes for a brief moment, then drop your gaze to the floor before slowly sweeping it back up again. This simple yet coy gesture says that even though you know it’s not polite to stare, he’s so alluring that you can’t help but take a second look. If you pull it off just right, there’s no way he won’t notice you noticing him. A look can be incredibly expressive—like the old saying goes, the eyes are the windows to the soul. Try to tell him how you feel about him through your eyes. Chances are, he’ll get the message. Avoid staring him down. Leering at someone straight on for too long can suggest that you’re indifferent towards him, or worse, that you find him off-putting.
Flash him a Smile. Whether you’re deep in conversation or just exchanging glances from across the room, your smile is your most effective tool for signaling attraction. A genuine smile indicates warmth and openness and makes you that much more inviting to be around. While smiling is essential for sparking romantic interest, you should only do it if it feels natural. Otherwise, it could make for some unintentionally awkward moments.
Initiate some light physical contact. Never underestimate the power of touch. Reaching out to get his attention or standing close enough to just brush up against him can be a great way to bridge the metaphorical distance between the two of you and suggest that you desire some sort of physical intimacy. Make it a point to take his hand or go for a hug when saying your greetings and goodbyes. Keep in mind that some forms of touch are more suggestive than others. For example, grasping his arm when he makes a joke is flirtatious but fairly safe. Placing your hand on his thigh, however, may send an entirely different message.
Lean in close while you're talking. Eliminating the literal distance between you will give him the sense that you want to get closer emotionally, as well. It also helps to shut out surrounding distractions, making you feel like the only two people in the room. To avoid freaking him out, make sure you move in gracefully and in a way that feels natural. One of the best times to get up close and personal is during conversation. Leaning in while he tells a story or discusses his personal life makes it clear that you’re hanging on his every word. By contrast, leaning back or moving away can be seen as a sign that you want to keep some space between you.
Cross and uncross your legs sensually. Leg crossing is a bolder and more direct way of expressing your interest, and is perfect for when you want to turn the heat up a notch. Because of the subtle sexual implications of the gesture, it’s best to only break it out when you’re talking to a guy you really like. Drawing attention to your legs can be very seductive, especially when paired with other confident body language. Avoid hunching over, bouncing your knees, or displaying any other nervous tics. This could be seen as a sign that you’re uncomfortable, or make him feel like he has power over you.
Play with your hair. As you’re talking or making eye contact, run your fingers through your locks or brush a few stray strands out of your face, fixing your hair can convey a kind of excited nervousness, letting him know that he’s succeeded in getting under your skin. As a bonus, you can make sure your looks are on point before you go up to him and say hi. As with crossing your legs, there’s a right and wrong way to play with your hair. Doing it too much can scream “boredom” or make you seem more concerned with your appearance than with his presence.
Lick your lips. When you really want to make your feelings known, run the tip of your tongue over your lips to make them plump, juicy, and rosy red. Wetting your lips is a dead giveaway that you’ve got the hots for a certain someone. And if you are lucky enough to score a goodnight kiss, they’ll be primed and ready. Licking your lips at an opportune time is sure to plant the idea of kissing in his head. If you’re wearing a face full of makeup, be careful not to lick too often or too vigorously, or you could end up looking you just won a pie eating contest.
Dropping Hints
Save the flirting for him. If your goal is to let a guy know that you're interested, all of your charms should be focused squarely on him. Splitting your attention up between multiple guys may create the impression that you’re naturally outgoing or not looking for anything serious, which could in turn cool things off between you and your potential beau. You should still make an effort to be friendly with the other guys you talk to, but watch your body language to keep from sending mixed signals.
Wear clothes that highlight your best features. Pick out items that flatter your figure and make you look and feel like a million bucks. If possible, plan your outfit ahead of time when you know there’s a chance that you’ll run into the guy you’ve had your eye on. And, of course, make sure it's suitable for the occasion. Focus on one part of your body to emphasize. If your favorite pair of jeans makes your legs look great, choose a shirt, shoes, and other accessories that won’t be a distraction. There’s a difference between put-together and provocative. Wearing clothes that are too tight or revealing can make you look desperate for attention, which could be offputting to the guy if you arrange to run into him unexpectedly.
Go out by yourself. Every now and then, fly solo to the bar, café, gym, or library where your interest hangs out. You’ll be more approachable alone than you would be in a group. If he still doesn’t know you that well, he may find it difficult to approach you when you’re surrounded by fifteen of your best friends. Encountering your interest unaccompanied will give the two of you a chance to chat in a more intimate one-on-one environment. You don’t necessarily need to be completely solitary, but opting for a small entourage over a big one will make talking to you less intimidating.
Excuse yourselves to a place where you can talk quietly. If you run into your interest at a party, crowded night spot, or boisterous social event, break away from all the excitement going on around you and retire to somewhere more private. You’ll be able to enjoy some quality time alone, and you won’t have to shout in order to hear each other. Outdoor environments are often preferable to indoor ones, since it’s easier to take your leave from these areas than it is from a jam-packed room.
Be the one to make the first move. If you’ve been getting along well for a while and he still hasn’t made a move, it may be time to take matters into your own hands. Asking him “Would you like to go out with me sometime?” or even “Is it alright if I kiss you?” will leave no doubt in his mind that you want to take things to the next level. Be patient and give him a chance to work up his nerve before you put all your cards on the table. Out of respect, he may be waiting until he’s sure it’s what you want before he risks offending you.
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