“Spin the Block” Definition
To “spin the block” is to give a relationship another go. It comes from the idea of taking the car for a “spin” around the block—in other words, returning to the same place you just were. “Spin the block” is also sometimes used to refer to giving something a second chance generally, whether it’s a job you’ve already quit once, college after you dropped out, or your aunt’s tuna casserole that you’re pretty sure you hate but maybe you’ll like it this time.
Is Spinning the Block a Good Idea?
Sometimes, if you and your ex have a solid foundation and have grown. “Breakups are a great time to look inward and evaluate what lessons to learn to grow,” Chan says. Some couples are able to have a successful relationship after taking time apart to figure out what they want and to grow as individuals. However, it’s tempting to get back with someone who wasn’t right for you just because you miss them or are nostalgic. They surely had some decent qualities, and you probably had fun together sometimes—but that doesn’t automatically negate the reason you broke up the first time around. What if you’re just looking to hook up, but not get back together? “Do not even think about the last hurrah!” Chan stresses. “Whenever you have sex, neurochemical changes occur in your brain that encourage limbic emotional bonding. In other words, while you may think you are just having casual sex (or breakup sex), you are establishing an emotional bond whether you like it or not.”
What to Consider When Spinning the Block
Why did your relationship end the first time? You and your ex may have ended your relationship prematurely, but in order to give your new relationship a fighting chance, ask yourself—and be honest—why you broke up the first time around. Were there irreconcilable differences? For instance, maybe you want kids, but your ex definitely doesn’t. Irreconcilable differences are likely to spell doom for a relationship. Did one of you betray the other—maybe one of you cheated, or committed financial infidelity. Major betrayals are not impossible to overcome, but it’s not something to take on lightly. Maybe you broke up because you were young and not ready to commit, but you’re starting to feel a little differently now. In this case, it’s possible a spin around the block would be worthwhile!
How long have you been apart? While there’s no rule that says you can’t get back with your ex after a few days, know that the early stages of a breakup are often marked by severe longing for your ex—even if the breakup really was a good idea. “Feeling sad and missing your ex after a breakup is natural,” says Chan. “Studies show that recently broken-up singles show activity in the same part of the brain as a drug user fiending for a fix.” She continues: “Even though on a cognitive level you know the relationship is over, the neurons in your brain that are expecting reward do not shut down, keeping you unconsciously in love and addicted to your ex to get your fix.”
Who ended the relationship? Most relationships don’t end mutually, but regardless of whether you broke up your ex or vice versa, getting back together likely means wading through some complicated, painful feelings surrounding your breakup. If you initiated the breakup, you might feel some guilt at ending things and causing your ex pain. If your ex broke up with you, you might feel some frustration and resentment about it and need to actively work on forgiving them for hurting you (even if they had very good reasons for ending things).
What was the collateral damage from the breakup? If you were living together, were married, had kids, or shared any other major parts of your lives, breaking up was probably a major ordeal. Consider not only how you and your ex felt ending things, but how others close to you may have felt—friends, family, children, etc. How long did the relationship last? If you broke up after a brief fling, ending things might have been painful, but not nearly as complicated as ending a years-long relationship. Remember how it felt to put things back together after breaking up, and realize you may have to endure this again with the same person if you try dating again.
Did you end things on good terms? There’s no such thing as a “good” breakup, but some couples manage to maintain mutual respect and love when they end things. If you were able to break up smoothly and stay relatively friendly, you have a fighting chance of getting back together. On the other hand, if the breakup involved fighting or yelling and ended with negative feelings on both sides, spinning the block will likely be a little less seamless.
Are you willing to explore why you broke up? Rarely do people get back together after a breakup and just carry on as per usual. You probably broke up due to some significant impediment to the relationship, and in order to resume dating, you’ll have to explore it, as uncomfortable as that might be. This doesn’t have to mean dating again can’t be fun and flirty like the beginning of a relationship usually is. Just try to set aside time to have a serious conversation (or multiple conversations) about why things ended and how you’ll both work to make your second go a success. Of course, do plenty of reflecting on your own, as well. Chan recommends writing to process your feelings: “By writing about how you feel…you'll start to make sense of what is happening to gain perspective. What are your greatest points of grief and frustration? What is your body trying to tell you? What can you learn?”
How do you expect things to be different in the future? As you’re reflecting on why your last relationship ended, you’ll probably develop a vision of how your ideal relationship will look this time around. Be clear about your expectations with your partner, and make sure you understand theirs. It might even help to have a regular check-in with your partner—say, every month or so—to see how things are going and discuss what concerns, if any, either of you has about the relationship so far.
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