If you’re struggling in your relationship, the cause might not be compatibility or other problems. If the first relationship you experienced as a child was topsy turvy, that is the key to unhealthy attachment styles affecting adult relationships. According to attachment theory pioneered by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, these first relationships set the foundation for the baseline response we have to other relationships throughout our lives.
Here are some signs that shows unhealthy attachment style is causing havoc in your relationships:
Trust Issues
If you’ve ever found yourself embarrassed by the thought of being overly needy or clingy in a relationship, you might have an ambivalent attachment style, where people crave love and attention but are unsure if others need them too. Such attachment style can leave you with the feeling of wanting closeness but being unable to fully trust or rely on a partner
Maintain Boundaries
Maintaining healthy boundaries is the key to developing healthy relationships. However, people with ambivalent attachment styles are unable to exercise them. They are of the opinion that this ‘distance’ can ultimately lead their partners to not want them anymore.
Keep emotions at a distance
Are you uncomfortable with expressing emotions? Ever been accused of being closed off and distant by a partner? You might have an avoidant attachment style that makes you want to avoid emotional connections with people.
Running hot and cold
For others, who have developed a disorganized attachment style, relationships can feel confusing. This is often a result of childhood trauma, neglect, or abuse. So, going back and forth between extreme emotions for a partner like love and hate can be because of how your childhood has shaped your adult relationships.
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