The emergence of dating apps has changed the way Gen Z and millennials view and experience love and relationships. Terms like breadcrumbing, situationships, ghosting, and orbiting have become part of the modern dating lexicon. Recently, Kaylor Martin criticised Aaron Evans during the Love Island USA Reunion for “love bombing” her, expressing frustration over the wasted summer she spent with him. But what exactly is love bombing, and how does it contribute to feeling like time has been wasted?
So what is it, and how does it constitute a time waster?
What is love bombing?
If someone shows excessive affection and attention to manipulate you, it’s “love bombing.” When a romantic relationship is just getting started, receiving an overwhelming amount of love might seem good, but love bombing can really cause the other person to gaslight you and even abuse you.
Leanna Stockard, a certified marriage and family therapist at LifeStance Health, said that manipulators use tactics by overly sharing their desire to be with you, showering you with affection and prioritising you — all before they truly get to know you.
Such behaviours are employed to put up an illusion of affection and devotion for a newfound partner. Eventually, the manipulator will take advantage of the new partner’s vulnerability and build trust, according to Stockard.
She said that the love bombing makes a person feel they must have done something wrong for the initial love and devotion to be taken away from them, and they would stop at nothing to regain it.
Despite its current popularity among the general public, the phrase has been employed in psychology since the 1970s. The term was first used to describe the recruiting tactics used by religious groups and cults.
Here are the three main stages of love bombing that you should look out for:
The best way to identify a love bomber is if the person in question does not do anything halfway. In the first stages of a relationship or friendship, they make you feel as though you are the greatest thing on earth. It is rather flattering, but they overemphasise your qualities at the beginning. In fact, everything appears to be fast-moving and done in haste.
One of the warning signs of being love-bombed happens during the second phase which is known as the devaluation stage. Your partner will sometimes spoil you and then other times ignore you and even mistreat you. They are intelligent enough to smother their partner with affection in front of other people to make them believe that they satisfy them but as soon as they are alone they can become vicious.
The third form of love bombing is in the discard stage. In this stage, the other person does not even assume responsibility for their actions. And if you decide to question their behaviour or tell them that the situation is toxic for you, they will entirely cut ties with you.
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