How to Reply to Someone Who Left You on Read

Allow them time to respond.

Wait at least 24 hours before double-texting. Unless your text was about something urgent, the person you sent it to might have read it and not felt the need to respond immediately. Haven’t you ever ignored a text because you’re busy or just aren’t in the mood to talk? Give them a few hours to a full day to respond before assuming the worst. After more than a day has passed, you can reach out and check in.

Post on social media to get their attention.

Remind them about your text without directly reaching out. If you and the person you texted follow each other, put out an Instagram story or Twitter update that you know they’ll see. By doing this, you can remind them about your text without the anxiety of directly reaching out. Try making the post have something to do with your conversation to really get them to notice. Try not to make the post directly targeted at them. That can make things awkward. Keep the post positive, too, so you don’t guilt the person into responding. For example, if you texted them about going on a hike, don’t post, “I wish someone would go on a hike with me. ????” Instead, post something like, “I can’t wait for the next hike I go on! ????”

Make a funny or sarcastic comment.

Lighten the mood with some friendly teasing. Depending on your relationship to this person, you could poke fun at them for not responding. Make the conversation fun and flirty! Playful banter can be a great way to keep a text chain going, even after you feel like you don’t have much to talk about. For example, “Wow, you’re texting back too fast! I can barely keep up. ????” Alternatively, try, “You must be so popular if you don’t have time to text me back! ????” If you realize your last text was a little dull, you could acknowledge it and tease yourself to show the other person you don’t take yourself too seriously. Adjust what you say depending on how sensitive the other person is compared to your own sense of humor.

Send a completely unrelated text.

Reset the conversation with something fun. If you find yourself waiting, it could be that your conversation just hit a natural dead end and the other person doesn’t know how to respond. After an appropriate amount of time, send a funny meme or interesting question without mentioning the text they didn’t respond to try keeping the conversation going. For example, if your last text was, “What are you doing on Friday?” follow up with, “I just saw the craziest video and have to send it to you.” If they respond this time, it means they still want to talk. They might even bring up leaving your last text on read themself. It’s worth it to look back at whether your last text even needed a response!

Ask why they didn’t respond.

Seek closure instead of jumping to conclusions. If you’re close enough to this person that you can call them out without offending them, you could just ask them why they left you on read. In the best case scenario, they’ll apologize and tell you why. If they don’t give you a response, it might be best to leave them alone, at least until they feel ready to talk. Because some people can be turned off by up-frontness, you might not want to do this to someone you just met. Be gentle but direct with your wording. For example, try, “Hey, is there a reason you didn’t respond?”

Tell them how you feel.

Communicate your expectations for future conversations. Being honest about your feelings can open up a conversation about what you both expect from your relationship in the long run. It could be that the other person just has a different communication style than you. Be open about your needs and work together in building communication that feels good for both of you. Reserve this conversation for someone you really trust with your feelings. You can’t put the blame on them for not understanding your expectations when you haven’t talked about them before! For example, try starting this conversation with, “It hurts my feelings when I’m left on read.” Alternatively, try, “I feel like you’re ignoring me. Can we talk?”

Check in on them.

Be sensitive to what they’re feeling or going through. It could be that the other person is ghosting you because of circumstances that have nothing to do with you. They might be having issues with mental health and setting boundaries for themself. If you think this could be the case, don’t force a response out of them. Instead, offer them support in your follow-up text. It can be difficult to determine when this is the case, but sometimes it’s better to be safe than sorry. You could use this opportunity to show them that you’re there for them if they need to talk about something serious. For example, give them a generous, “Thinking of you. Hope you’re doing ok.” Alternatively, try, “Hey, I noticed you haven’t responded. If there’s something going on, I’m here for you.”

Send one text at a time.

Keep your follow-up text short and simple. Blowing up the other person’s phone with a wall of texts will make you come across as over-eager or intense. When you’re sending a follow-up text (after waiting for an appropriate amount of time), be concise. Otherwise, they might think you’re being dramatic and annoying, which you probably don’t want! In general, try not to text more than 2 lines at a time. If you don’t have a strong relationship with this person, try matching the amount they text. This will give you as much leverage as they think they have.

Space out your attempts to reach out from then on.

In the case of a casual conversation, if you’ve already double-texted and the other person hasn’t responded, wait a few days to text again. A week-long silence from you could push them to reach out if they want to keep talking. If they don’t say anything after a week, you can "end" the conversation and the next time you reach out can be for a different reason or topic. If you are texting them for something important or urgent, you may need to try calling, emailing, or texting them multiple times to get them to reply. Remember: no one owes you a response. While it is common courtesy to respond to texts in a timely manner, people have their own lives going on, and it's not fair to threaten to cut off all communication simply because of a tardy reply. If you reach out multiple times, be ready to potentially be humbled when they finally do respond: you may find out that they had a crisis, emergency, or even simply lost their phone. In a relationship where the person is consistently leaving you on "read" or not answering your texts, you may need to have a face-to-face conversation with them.

Distract yourself.

Spend time with people who won’t leave you on read. Being ignored by someone you’re trying to reach out to can feel disheartening. Instead of isolating yourself during this time, reach out to people who you know are always "on call" for a shoulder to lean on. Make plans together to get your mind off your ghost and give yourself things to look forward to. It’s healthier to get invested in friends and hobbies than wallowing in front of a TV screen or on social media!

Reevaluate the relationship.

Ask mutual friends if this is a pattern with this person. If this person just happens to be generally unreachable for everyone, they likely don't prioritize communicating via text and can potentially not be around their phone often. Ask the person why they don't text back. It could be something as harmless as a boundary they've set or being busy at a certain time of day. REMEMBER: Just because someone is a bad texter doesn't mean that they don't love you. You might not want to give up on an established relationship over being left on read. That being said, it may be worth considering if you want to maintain a relationship if this person starts continually ghosting you in more extreme ways.

Let it go.

Accept that someone not responding does not define your worth, and move on. If you’ve given them time to respond, double-texted, maybe even triple-texted or called, you may have done as much as you can. At a certain point, you have to face the truth of the situation, whatever that may be. If this is a person who is ghosting you because they don't really care about the relationship, find other connections to invest in and consider ending it. If this is someone who doesn't like to text, reevaluate how you communicate with them. Don't let the lack of a text define you. If you barely have a relationship with this person in the first place, it can be wise to consider letting go of communications with them. If you are distant acquaintances, they likely have larger-priority relationships.