Stop Hating Everybody
Assume the best about people instead of the worst. One of the reasons you may hate everybody is because you assume that everyone around you is only out to hurt, annoy, or bother you in some way. Learn to stop looking at the people around you as a nuisance or a threat and learn to embrace the good people around you and to see that they can actually improve your life if you let them. Sure, not everyone in the world is going to make your life better, and when you’re stuck on a crowded subway, it’s easy to feel like everyone is only there to make your life miserable. However, if you give individual people a chance, you’ll see that they’re not so bad, after all. Practice assuming that anyone who talks to you has the best intentions, not the worst. Of course, if a stranger approaches you in a dark alley, you should be wary, but if your coworker or neighbor asks you to grab a cup of coffee, assume that the person just wants to be your friend, not that the person has some ulterior motive for hanging out with you.
Learn to enjoy small talk. You may also hate people because you just feel like you’re always stuck talking to them when you’d rather be alone. If this is your point of view, though, you’re likely to continue hating people forever. Instead, learn to find the joy in having a conversation and connecting with another person instead of looking at everyone who talks to you as someone who's either wasting your time or blathering on about nothing. Smile more and be friendly. Show people that you’re open to conversation and they’ll be more likely to be frank with you. Find a way to find common ground with people. This will show you that you’re not as different from them as you expected. Know that there’s nothing small about small talk. It’s what leads you to build deeper relationships and to get to know people better eventually.
Give compliments. Sure, giving compliments is probably the last thing you want to do if you hate people. However, that’s exactly why you should practice giving the people around you sincere compliments to show that you truly do care. Make a habit of giving at least one or two compliments a day to an acquaintance or a perfect stranger to show that you’re paying attention. This will help you be a more positive person and to look for the good in people. Plus, you never know. The random compliment you give to a person can make that person’s day. Maybe it’ll be the only positive interaction that person has all day, and it takes so little effort. If you know a person more closely, focus on complimenting an aspect of that person’s personality instead of just the superficial things. Plus, if you compliment more people, you’ll hear more positive reinforcement back, so you’ll just be contributing to more positive energy and less hatred in the universe.
Open up to people. Though you may feel like opening up to people is the last thing to do if you’re a self-proclaimed misanthrope, you may find that, if you open up to the people around you a bit, you’ll be likely to find understanding, compassion, and friendship. This will make you much less likely to hate people and more likely to see that developing relationships with people out in the world is a worthy endeavor. You don’t need to bare your soul to the first person you see. However, if you slowly open up to your acquaintances, then those relationships may lead to friendships. You may feel like you hate everyone because you feel like a loner who can’t relate to anyone. But if you talk to people more, you’ll see that you’re not as different as you thought. As you open up to people, make sure to ask them questions about themselves, too. This can help you feel more inclined to connect with people.
Think of all the ways that people can help you. Another way to stop hating everybody is to realize that most of the people around you can be viewed as untapped resources. Your older brother can help you apply to college, your teacher can help you understand World History, and your friend can help you learn how to make the perfect chocolate chip cookies. If you think that everyone around you is just there to make your life miserable, then yeah, you’re going to hate everybody. One way to see that people can be a big resource to you is to talk to them more. Talking to people more will make you see how much they have to offer to you. You may not know, for example, that your neighbor is a whiz at math until you talk to him more. If people help you with something, help them out in return. This can make you feel more connected to people and less likely to hate them, too.
Volunteer. You may think that volunteering to help other people is the last thing you want to do if you feel like you hate everybody. However, if you make an effort to care about people other than yourself and to help your community improve and grow, you’ll soon be on your way to having a more compassionate perspective and to loving the people around you instead of hating them. Whether you’re teaching people to read at a local library or volunteering at a dog shelter, you’ll start to feel more connected to the world through the simple act of helping. You’ll also meet some people who will help you develop a more positive perspective who will make you see that the world isn’t all doom and gloom. Just volunteering a few times a month can help you feel more open-minded and like you’re making a real difference.
Stop Hating a Specific Person
Get your feelings out. In order to stop hating a certain person in your life, whether it’s an ex-friend or an ex-boyfriend, it’s important to be open and honest about how you’re really feeling before you can get rid of those negative feelings. Talk to a close friend about it, write your feelings down, or just make sure that you’re open and honest about why you hate that person; you may find that the person hasn’t actually done anything wrong, or that the real reason why you hate the person isn’t what you expected. If you’re in denial about why you hate the person, then you’ll never really be able to deal with your feelings. The sooner you let your feelings out, the sooner you’ll feel better. If you feel like crying, there’s no shame in that. Do whatever you need to do to deal with the source of your hatred.
Talk to the person if you think it will help. If the person you hate was once your friend or significant other and you feel that having a constructive conversation can actually help you feel better, then you should pick the place and time to really talk to that person. You may feel a sense of greater understanding, closure, or even relief at being able to express your feelings and hearing the other person out. Though this may not be the most pleasant conversation, it can save you from months of stewing. Be open and honest about your feelings. Don’t hold back, as long as you don’t insult the person or stir up more drama. You’ll feel better about letting those feelings go. If the person is unwilling to talk to you, then there’s no point in forcing it. You’ll only end up feeling more frustrated if the person won’t talk to you.
Learn to forgive. People who tend to hate often spend their time feeling angry or bitter about how people have wronged them or done them harm. Of course, if you’ve really been hurt, then it’s important to have a conversation about it and to state your views, but if you tend to hold a grudge and never really accept apologies or hear people out when they’ve made a mistake, then you’ll never be able to move past the hate. Work on building compassion and trying to see a situation through another person’s shoes. See if you can see where the person who hurt you is coming from. Make sure you really listen to the person who apologizes to you. If you’re not ready to hear the apology yet, then say you need a while until you’ve calmed down a bit.
Avoid gossiping about the person. Though you may think that spreading your hatred toward a particular person can really help you get over the situation, doing so will actually make you feel worse about the whole thing. Other people may reinforce your negative feelings, and you’ll only feel more justified in hating that person; plus, talking about how much you hate the person will only get you riled up and even more filled with hatred. Of course, if you’re in a complicated situation with the person and genuinely need advice, then you can talk to someone else about it. But if you just want to complain, gossip, and make the situation worse, then that definitely won’t stop you from hating. Plus, if the person hears that you’re gossiping about him or her, then he or she is likely to gossip back, and that will only fuel the cycle of hatred.
Focus on the people you like. One way to try to turn your attention away from the person you can’t stand is to spend more time with the people you do like. Even if you’re the kind of person who hates almost everyone, there must be at least one or two people in your life whom you genuinely like. Make an effort to spend more time with those people and to think about all of the happiness that they bring to your life; this will help you forget or get over the person you hate much faster than if you spend time by yourself. Try to avoid talking about the person you hate. Instead, keep things positive and avoid dragging yourself down even further.
Move on to something that makes you happy. One way to stop hating a specific person is to focus on something good in your life instead. This can be doing yoga, hanging out with your other friends, baking, throwing yourself into your studies, reading for pleasure, hiking, or doing whatever it is that makes you smile. If you have nothing else going on but your hatred for that person, then yeah, you’re likely to keep hating for a long time. Though it can be hard to fully distract yourself when you hate somebody, just making an effort to go through the motions and throw yourself into something else can be far more effective than sitting there and stewing. Try to do something that won’t remind you of the person you hate or make you think even more bad thoughts about him or her.
Know that it may take time. Be prepared to give it a while before you truly stop hating the person you hate. It’s likely that you’ll have to take some time to fully process and accept whatever happened before moving on. Don’t be frustrated with yourself if it takes you weeks, or even months, to walk by the person before feeling like you’re filled with hatred or even anger or rage. It’s perfectly natural. If you and the person you hate are in the same social circle or hang out at a lot of the same places, try to avoid the person as much as you can until you feel calmer about the situation. If you do have to see the person regularly, like in class, then you should work on either ignoring the person or being as cordial as you can.
Developing a Positive Outlook
Meditate. Though you may think it’s corny, meditation can actually help you feel more at peace with yourself and the world. It can open up your mind to a more generous, positive perspective, and can help you let the little things roll off your back. Just making a habit of meditating for 10-20 minutes every day can make your whole day shine brighter and can make you feel less inclined to hate everyone around you. Here’s what you do: Find a calm, quiet place and take a seat on the floor. Close your eyes and focus on relaxing every part of your body one at a time. Focus on the breath rising in and out of your body. Work on eliminating any thoughts, worries, or complaints that may fill your mind. Do this once or twice a day for at least 10 minutes until you find yourself feeling more at peace, relaxed, and less likely to judge.
Spend time in nature. Spending a bit more time surrounded by nature can make you feel more grateful and less inclined to get stuck in the small stuff. Just spending a few hours a week sitting in a nice park, going on a stroll through the woods, walking along the beach, or staring out at a placid lake can make you feel how small you are in the scheme of things, and that the world is too grand and beautiful for you to get hung up on hating people who haven’t done anything wrong, for the most part. You can do this on your own so you can feel calm and meditative throughout the experience. Avoid thinking any negative thoughts and focus on the present and enjoy the world around you. You can also bringing a hiking, walking, or jogging buddy with you and enjoy both the nature you see and being around other people. You don’t need to be the outdoorsy type to spend time outside. If you’re really not into hiking, just take a walk through your neighborhood and look at the leaves changing colors or the flowers blooming.
Write a gratitude list. You’ll develop more of a positive outlook and will be less likely to hate people if you think about all of the things you have to be thankful for. Just take 15 minutes out of your day to sit down with and write down all of the things you have to be thankful for. This can be everything from your health to your pet kitty to your kind and helpful neighbor, Arnold. Nothing is too small to be thankful for; make sure to write down every little thing that should make you feel thankful. Take the time to review your list. Read it aloud if you need to. This will help reinforce that you should stop hating so much and that you do have things you can be happy about. Make a habit of adding to this list once a week. This will show you that you should make a habit of gratitude. Tape the list above your list if you want to. This can help you stay more positive.
Hang out with other positive people. Another simple way to develop a more positive perspective is to spend more time with people who are happy with who they are and the world around them. Happiness is contagious, and if you spend more time with people who make you laugh, talk about the things they love, and make you feel better about yourself, then you’ll be much more likely to feel good about the world and to stop hating. Think about it: do most of your friends get you down or enable your hating behavior? If this is the case, then you shouldn’t ditch them completely, but you should seek out more positive people. Even if you don’t like being social, you should try to hang out with positive people at least once a week. This can help turn your perspective around and make you see that things aren’t so bad, after all.
Build your confidence. Though you may not want to admit it, one of the reasons why you may be struggling to stop hating is because one of the people you hate is yourself. Ask yourself if you truly like who you are and what you have to offer or if there’s room for improvement. Then, work on addressing the flaws you can change and accepting the ones you can’t, all the while reminding yourself about all of the good things you have to offer to the world. Building your confidence can take years, but once you make an effort to address your insecurities, you’ll be on your way to hating less. One thing you can do is try to hang out with people who make you feel good about yourself. If everyone around you is always bringing you down, then you’re not likely to be very confident. Work on projecting confidence through your body language. Stand tall, look people in the eye, and avoid slouching or crossing your arms over your chest. Let people see that you’re happy to inhabit your own body.
Focus on the things you have to look forward to. Sure, you’re going to hate if you feel like there’s nothing good going on in your life. However, if you have something good to look forward to, whether it’s some quality time with your family over the weekend or a career in medicine once you’re done with school, then this will make you feel less likely to hate and more likely to be excited about and happy with the world. Make a list of all the good things you have to look forward to, even if it’s something as silly as your favorite show after school. Start small and build toward larger, more important goals. This can make you see that there is plenty of good in the world after all. Make a habit of talking about the good things in your life instead of the bad. This can make you both outwardly and inwardly optimistic. Plus, if you share the things you’re excited about, your friends will support you and make you even more excited about them.
Pursue something you love. You’ll be less likely to hate everything if you spend time doing something you really care about. This can be playing the violin, working on your novel, training for a marathon, or gardening. You don’t have to be the best at it, either; just making a schedule that allows you to regularly spend time doing something you love can make you less likely to hate. Sure, you’re going to be a hater if there’s nothing that seems meaningful in your life. But if you spend even one hour or half an hour a day doing what you love, you’ll feel more positive about everything. If you don’t think there’s really anything you love, then that may be part of the problem. Make an effort to take new classes, ask other people about their hobbies, and sign up for after-work or after-school activities to see what strikes your fancy.
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