How to Tell Your Parents You are Following a Religion They Don't Approve of

Study to be sure you are secure in your religious preferences. If you have lingering doubts about your own faith, it may be best to tell your parents after you feel comfortable and confident about your beliefs.

Use the waiting time to do your research. Examine many sources, not only "faith promoting" ones related to the religion you are investigating. Start a journal to keep notes in regarding your spirituality. Include any questions you may have and the reasons why Discover what you can about your chosen path. Is it monotheistic (worshiping only one deity), polytheistic (worshiping multiple deities), pantheistic (worshiping the universe), or atheistic (believing in no deities)? Are there any notable people in history that have believed as you do? Search online for forums to find others who believe as you do. Purchase a number of books about your religion, or borrow them from a local or school library. Just be sure to keep them in a place where your parents won't find them until you're ready.

Gather the notes you have collected and organize your thoughts. You may have to re-write what you have written to assure that you have a solid foundation from which to discuss religion with your parents.

Tell your parents you have something important to discuss with them and you'll need some time to do it. Make sure that they are allowed to choose the time when this discussion is to take place.

Tell your parents you have been researching diverse religions. Tell them this is the religious path you have decided to follow. Watch for their response, if it is shocked or angry, tread carefully and discuss any concerns they may have about your researching religions.

Ask your parents what they know about your chosen religion. Listen carefully to what they say. Clear up any confusion they may have. Keep up this back and forth of asking, listening, and responding.

Handle a poor reaction with grace. Don't try to convert your parents to your beliefs. In this instance at least, resist the urge to proselytize and do not argue with them. If they have objections, especially faith-based objections, don't contest with them. Honor your parents and yourself by actively listening and not arguing. Remember that acknowledging is not agreement, so listen and acknowledge their concerns and, as far as possible, let them know that for you at least the relationship is important and that you are still their daughter or son. If they are very upset, don't panic; give it time and maintain your love for them. As with all people, when dealing with your parents and deciding how to treat them in contemplating your reactions to them, ask yourself "is this the best expression of who I really am?"