Kuala Lumpur: It began with a head-butt and ended with Asian domination of the world — and in between US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice played piano.
The annual gala dinner of the Association of South East Asian Nations (ASEAN) lived up to its reputation as the whacky highlight of regional diplomacy on Thursday night.
In keeping with tradition, foreign ministers from seven countries, including Rice, performed away from the cameras for the amusement of their ASEAN hosts, revealing both hidden talents and, in a few cases, talents that are best hidden.
Japanese Foreign Minister Taro Aso did a Humphrey Bogart impersonation, New Zealand's Winston Peters sang like Johnny Cash, China's Li Zhaoxing led a choir and South Korea's Ban Ki-moon strutted the stage in green sequins.
Canada's Peter MacKay, dressed in black referee's uniform, opened the night with a mock ASEAN-Canada football match that ended with a Zinedine Zidane head-butt and a red-card.
Then Aso's troupe of foreign-ministry officials took the stage and the night sped from mildly amusing to plain bizarre.
Seemingly inspired by comic books and the film Casablanca, the plot of the Japanese skit revolved around a futuristic, global pandemic of giant furry frogs.
As Aso, wearing trench-coat and hat, dragged Bogart-like on a cigarette, his officials hopped on stage in frog outfits or dressed as a fish, Power Ranger, or mutant lobster.
A creature called "Aso's Assistant Robot" also made an appearance. China's Li followed. His suited officials had not tried to compete with Japan for costumes, but were easily the best singers.
Penned by Li, the patriotic lyrics serenaded a China "radiating with charm". The South Koreans danced to Abba's Mamma Mia, though their minister only appeared at the end, dressed in green-sequined jacket, to share the curtain call. Unfortunately, there was no curtain.
If there had been, it surely would have come down on the New Zealanders who whispered their way through Oh Islands in the Sun.
Only Peters' gravelly voice could be heard. Then Rice, wearing a red dress and pearls, gave a class in genuine musical talent, though she was in more sombre mood after her trip to the Middle East.
An accomplished musician who studied the piano at college, she stole the show, in a duet with a Malaysian violinist.
She called the piece, a Brahms sonata, a prayer for peace.
Russia's Sergei Lavrov closed the show by lampooning his host with a skit set in a future when ASEAN, not the United States, was the sole superpower.
Playing himself, he pretended to be briefed by his Kremlin official on the new hegemony. The rest of the world, he was told, was being forced to sell goods for free to ASEAN to stay in its favour.
Lavrov: What have our US friends offered?
Official: They are very, very smart. They have sent Rice.
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