Getting to Know the Girl
Be friends with her, if you see her regularly. If possible, before you start any flirting with her, get to know her and become friendly with her. If she's a girl you like at school, begin by talking to her in class and saying hello in the halls. If that goes well, text her, call her, or ask her to hang out. If you don’t like her as a friend, then you probably shouldn’t be flirting with her. This is also a way to know what her romantic preferences are.
Ask about her preferences. If you don't know what her preference is, then try to find out. You can begin flirting with her, but it may not end up well for you if you find out she is interested in another gender. Have a friend tell her that a girl likes her (no naming names of course) and see what her reaction is. If her reaction doesn't answer your question, then ask her yourself. To learn her preference on your own, you can first ask if you may ask her a personal question. Then, politely ask what her romantic preference is. If she doesn’t want to answer, don’t push the question. Respect what she says and don’t push it no matter what her answer is.
Learn what type of person she is interested in. Keep in mind that just because she might be interested in girls, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she will be interested in you. Ask her about past relationships. You can also ask what she looks for in a romantic interest. Be observant about the type of person she seems to like and notice. You can ask what type of person she is interested in by asking if she likes qualities that describe you. For example, if you have red hair and brown eyes, ask if she’s interested in people with red hair and green eyes. Or, if you play soccer, ask if she’s interested in people that play soccer. Don’t change yourself if you don’t appear to be the type of person she’s interested in. Just because you’re not her usual “type,” doesn’t mean she won’t be interested in who you are individually.
Tell her about yourself. Being open with the person you’re interested in is important. Let her know about your past, home life, and childhood. Tell her what your interests are and try to include her in some of them if possible. Talk to her on a daily basis about what you’re doing and how you’re feeling. Suggest that having her as a friend is one of the interesting parts of your life that you like. For example, take her to a movie with you if you are interested in film.
Using Body Language
Make eye contact. Never underestimate the power of eye contact. Eye contact can be used to flirt. First, eye contact is simply a polite thing to do to show a person that you are paying attention to them. Letting her know that you are giving her your full attention will show your interest in her. If the girl is across the room, make eye contact with her. Look at her, catch her eye, and then quickly look away. Look the girl directly in the eye anytime she is talking, or even if she isn’t talking.
Smile at her. Smiling is another polite gesture that can also be used to flirt. You don’t have to overdo it, but smiling at her will give her reassurance that you like her. Look her in the eyes and smile at her while you are conversing with her. If you happen to catch her eye while you are in the same room, give her a friendly smile.
Touch her arm or shoulder. When you are talking or walking next to each other, touch her gently. You can touch her arm, back, or shoulder. Touch her just for a moment, or keep it there for a few seconds. Some people don’t like being touched, so if she expresses that she doesn’t like it, refrain from doing it.
Hold her hand. Hand holding is a sweet and simple gesture that never goes out of style. You can hold hands at any point in a relationship. If the flirtation is very new, wait until you are confident that she will enjoy holding hands with you. Take her hand when you are walking together. Hold her hand when you’re sitting next to her. If she wasn’t sure that you were flirting before, this will make it obvious.
Hug her. Move on to physical affection if she seems to be comfortable with the flirting or has stated that she likes you too. Give her a hug when you see her and when you say goodbye. Put your arm around her when you sit next to her. Comfort her with a hug when she’s upset, and hug her when something good has happened to her. Stop the physical contact if she seems uncomfortable or tells you that she doesn’t like it.
Talking to Her
Compliment her. Telling people what you like about them can go a long way. This often comes across as friendliness, but it will at least bring you closer to her. Compliment both her physical attributes and her personality traits. Tell her what you like about her hair, eyes, clothes, smile, etc. Let her know that you enjoy her sense of humor, interests, or how kind she is to everyone. When she does something good, let her know. Compliment an achievement by saying something like “I’m not surprised you did so well because you’re great, but I’m still impressed and happy for you." If she is a funny person, compliment her by saying “You really know how to make me laugh. I appreciate that quality in a person.” The compliments may come across as friendly at first if you haven’t established your interest, but she may catch on after a while if you compliment her enough.
Do her a favor. Go out of your way to do her a favor, or surprise her by doing something unexpected for her. Oblige if she asks you to help her with something. Look for ways that you can make her life easier. For example, carry something for her when she is carrying a lot. Or, offer to run an errand for her. You can also surprise her with flowers, chocolates, or a small, but thoughtful gift. A small and thoughtful gift could be something like a drawing of yours, or a book by an author you think she’d like.
Let her know about your preferences. Your romantic and sexual preferences will have to come up as some point, especially if you make your flirting obvious. Let her know that you are lesbian/bisexual/pansexual. You can bring it up in a casual conversation without telling her you’re interested in her. Or, you can let her know about your preferences and your interest at the same time. You can tell her your preference by saying something like “I am interested in women (or whatever your specific preference is), and I am especially interested in women like you." It is no fault of your own if she reacts negatively. It speaks of her character, and if she makes you feel bad about your preference, then she shouldn’t be a person you want to flirt with.
Let her know what your intentions are. You can wait until you have flirted with her to let her know that you’re interested in her if that’s what you feel more comfortable with. It is, however, good to tell her that you’re interested sooner rather than later to avoid heartbreak later on. She may be waiting for you to make the first move. Accept her reaction and try to continue the friendship if both you and her want to do so. Tell her simply by saying “I like you as more than a friend.” Write her a note expressing your feelings.
Ask her out. You can take this step fairly soon into the flirtation, or you can wait until you’re sure she likes you back. If you want it to be casual, ask her to visit the park with you. If you want to make it clearly romantic, ask her out for dinner and a movie. Bring flowers with you and don’t be afraid to tell her how you feel. Even when you are in a relationship, you can always continue to ask her out on dates.
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