Having a Good Appearance
Practice good hygiene. While looks aren’t everything, girls are often impressed by a person who seems to have it together. Appearing clean and well-groomed shows girls that you’ve made an effort to look nice for them. Make sure you take a shower, comb your hair, and brush your teeth so that you can start off on the right foot.
Wear your favorite outfit. Put on an outfit that makes you feel attractive and comfortable. This will give you an extra boost of confidence and help you to look your best when you’re talking to girls.
Smile often. A genuine smile communicates energized positivity and friendliness, and smiling is an easy way to make girls feel warm and comfortable. Make sure to smile whenever it feels natural while you’re having a conversation with a girl.
Have good posture. Nothing communicates confidence as fast as good posture does. Sit and stand up straight when you’re talking to girls so that they perceive you as a person with confidence. Slouching may communicate uncertainty or even apathy, so it’s best to avoid it.
Make eye contact. When you make eye contact with a girl, it shows that you’re truly interested and listening. Girls are often impressed when the person they’re talking to is focused and attentive. Avoid scanning the room for other people or looking at your phone while having a conversation.
Keep your body relaxed. Girls may not respond well if you’re constantly fidgeting or making big gestures with your arms. Stay still and have good control of your body to communicate confidence and calmness. This should also release the tension of the situation some by giving off a relaxed vibe.
Talking to Girls
Start a conversation by giving a compliment. Pick up lines are seen as cheesy, and they often won’t leave a great impression on girls. Instead of trying to get a girl’s attention with a pick up line, give her a small compliment and introduce yourself. Then, if the conversation starts to fizzle out after you’ve both introduced yourself, try asking her a question about herself. If she’s wearing an eye-catching backpack, you could say, “Hi, I just wanted to let you know that I really like your backpack.”
Ease the tension with light-hearted humor. It’s easy for the conversation to feel tense and forced in the first few minutes. Ease up the tension and make her feel more relaxed by cracking a small joke. For example, if you drop your math notebook while you’re talking to her because you’re nervous, say something like “As you can see, I’m extremely graceful. It’s one of my many good qualities,” to lighten the mood and ease your nervousness. If you aren’t a particularly humorous person, don’t feel like you have to force out a joke. Just talk to her like you would one of your friends.
Ask intelligent questions. Ask girls intelligent questions about their qualities, their favorite topics in school, and/or the relationships they have with friends and family members. Asking these kinds of questions may make girls see you as someone who is interested, thoughtful, and capable of thinking on a deeper level. Consider asking, “What’s your favorite book? And what is it that you love about it?” or “What’s your favorite memory?” You could also ask, “What do you like most about your personality?”
Be polite. Bad manners and disrespectful behavior will scare girls away fast. Girls aren’t impressed by arrogance or inconsiderateness, so make sure to be kind and courteous to them and everyone around while you’re interacting with them. If you’re talking to a girl and your friend interrupts you and asks you a question, say “I’m sorry. Excuse me for just a second,” to the girl and politely ask your friend if you can find them later to talk. Before asking a girl a question that’s personal, start with “If you don’t mind me asking…” If you’re both walking into a building or room together while talking, hold the door open for the girl.
Be genuine. While you’re talking to a girl, don’t just agree with everything she says in order to please her. Be honest and stay true to yourself as you’re interacting with her. If you agree, then agree. If you don’t, then respectfully explain to her how you see it a different way. She’ll likely appreciate your honesty and humble self-assurance. For example, if a girl mentions that spider-man is her favorite superhero and you also love Spider-man, try saying something like, “Me too! I love reading the Spider-man comics and watching the Spider-man movies that always seem to be coming out.” If something serious or heavy comes up, such as religion, it’s especially important that you express your opinion in a respectful way. If a girl you’re talking to says she’s grown up going to church every Sunday but you don’t believe in God, try saying something like, “My family has never gone to church, but it’s cool that your religion is such as big part of your life.”
Follow the conversation. There’s no telling exactly where the conversation will go ahead of time, and it doesn’t matter a whole lot once it gets going as long as there aren’t a lot of awkward silences. Make sure to stay with the flow of the conversation so that it feels smooth and comfortable for the both of you. If you’ve just talked about what movies are currently in theaters and she mentions loving comedies, keep the conversation going by saying, “Oh really? What are some of your favorite comedies?” If she seems bored, try changing the subject and/or asking her a question like, “So what are you doing the rest of the weekend? Do you have any fun plans?”
Try to talk about half of the time. Girls may perceive you as selfish if you talk about yourself too much and it might be awkward if you don’t say much at all. It’s completely okay for her to talk a little more than you or vice versa, but the conversation shouldn’t feel like a monologue.
Talk about multiple topics. While you’re talking, try to bring up a few different topics instead of talking only about work or only about your favorite sports team the whole time. This will make the conversation feel much more balanced and fluid.
Leave the conversation after a while. After a few minutes of talking, the conversation may slow down a little. At this time it’s completely appropriate to excuse yourself and go greet a friend or do something else. This shows girls that you aren’t too clingy and may make them view you as attractively mysterious. Try saying, “Well, talking to you has been great. I’m going to go say hi to my friend, but I’ll talk to you in a little bit. Okay?” If the conversation went really well, casually ask the girl for her phone number before you walk away. Say, “I’ve got to run, but I’ve really enjoyed our conversation. If you want to give me your number, maybe I could text you and we could meet up sometime.”
Making a Good Impression on a Date
Pick an activity to do that requires some focus. A fancy dinner date may put too much pressure on the both of you to keep the conversation flowing smoothly. If you want to make a good impression, take your date to do something fun that takes the focus off of each other. Consider playing mini golf, going to see a movie, or going to a concert. It's also a good idea to choose an activity that you know the girl will enjoy based on prior conversations. EXPERT TIP Klare Heston, LCSW Klare Heston, LCSW Licensed Social Worker Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR). Klare Heston, LCSW Klare Heston, LCSW Licensed Social Worker Invite a girl out casually before telling her you like her. Licensed Clinical Social Worker Klare Heston suggests, “Telling a girl you like her is always a little risky. Start by asking her out to do something simple, like getting coffee. If she says yes, there is probably some interest. You don't have to say ‘I really like you’ until you have been out a number of times. Your original invitation can be quite casual.”
Surprise her with a small gift if you're already acquainted with her. There’s nothing wrong with taking it up a notch. When you pick your date up or meet her somewhere, give her a small sweet gift, such as a single rose. It will be even more impressive if you get her something unique that you know that she will like, such as her favorite candy. This shows that you care and pay attention to her.
Be kind to those around you. You may already know that your date probably won’t think highly of you if you don’t treat her with kindness and respect. However, how she sees you treat others may also significantly impact how she views you. Make sure to say “excuse me” if you bump into someone while walking down the street with your date, and remember to say “please” and “thank you” to the server at the restaurant you take her to. The kindness shouldn’t stop at those around you. Don’t gossip or say mean things about your ex, family members, friends, or anyone else. Hateful words may make her question your character. Similarly, be careful about swearing.
Ask her simple questions about herself. Early on in the date, ask your date questions that are easy and familiar so that she can become comfortable. This will prevent awkwardness by helping to get the conversation rolling and may also set the stage for more personal questions later on. Ask questions like, “What’s your favorite subject in school?” or “Have you lived here your whole life?”
Listen to what she says. Most girls really appreciate undivided attention because it makes them feel valued. Turn your phone over or keep it in your pocket while you’re on the date and only turn it over when she’s stepped away to use the restroom. While she talks, maintain eye contact and nod now and then to show her you’re hearing her. She will be even more impressed if days or weeks later, something she said on the date comes back up and you remember what she said. If you need to keep your phone on for work or a family illness, let her know that ahead of time, and put it on vibrate.
Flirt with her if things are going well. If conversation is flowing naturally and you’re feeling a strong connection to your date, it may be a good idea to get a little flirty. Incorporate some harmless teasing into the dialogue and/or reach out and briefly touch her hand or arm during conversation if it feels natural. Read her body language. If her legs and arms are crossed and/or she isn’t looking you in the eye very much, she may not want you to touch her. Be careful with how you tease her. Some girls are more sensitive than others. For example, if she spills her drink on the table and you see her face turn red with embarrassment, don’t tease her. Alternatively, if she starts laughing, you could smile and say “good job,” while you help her clean it up.
Be assertive afterwards about wanting another date. If after the date’s over you know you’d like to see her again, don’t waste any time being wishy washy. Call her that night or the next day, tell her you had a great time, and ask her on another date. She will likely appreciate your straightforward honesty and certainty. If she says ‘no thank you’ or doesn’t seem to make an effort to keep in touch with you after the date, it’s probably best to move on. Try not to text or call her anymore, and spend time doing activities you love with your friends or family instead.
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