Interacting with Older People
Call people sir or ma'am. Even if you’ve grown up in a more casual environment where you usually call your friends’ parents by their first names, you shouldn’t assume that all older people are comfortable with that kind of informal title. Some elderly people may be more traditional, and prefer that you call them Mr./Mrs. So-and-So. Always ask what name they prefer you call them. Use sir or ma'am when you don't feel comfortable asking. If they ask you to call them by name, then respect their request and do so! Continuing calling them by something else would be disrespectful.
Offer your help. People can often lose strength, balance, and agility as they age, which can make some everyday activities that we take for granted more difficult. Providing even the smallest assistance may help make their day a little easier, and demonstrate your respect in a courteous, thoughtful manner. It’s always polite to hold the door or elevator open for the people behind you, but it can be especially helpful for older people with canes or walkers. When you’re on public transportation, such as the subway, train, or bus, consider offering your seat to an elderly person, who might need to rest more than you. If you’re at the store, offer to reach for items on shelves that might be too high or low for an older person to reach. You might also offer to carry an elderly person’s bags to the car or unload their cart into the trunk.
Be patient. Older people usually don’t move as quickly as they used to when they were younger, which means it can take them longer to do even the simplest of tasks, such as crossing the street. Be respectful by showing some patience when you encounter them instead of trying to hurry them along. If an elderly person is slow to get off the bus, subway, or elevator, or just walking down the street, don’t push past them. Let them take their time, so they are comfortable and don’t injure themselves. Don’t huff and puff if an older person on line in front of you at a store takes a little longer to pay for their items. Instead, try to be understanding -- you might even offer to help by lifting items out of the cart or bagging groceries.
Don’t assume they have disabilities. While many elderly people do have health issues that require special assistance, some of them don't have these issues. Assuming that an older person has poor eyesight or hearing can be extremely condescending and make them feel self-conscious. If you’re unsure whether an older person has a vision or hearing issue, just ask. Don't be rude about it. Don't ask outright "Do you have hearing issues?" Instead, try a gentler approach, such as: "Am I speaking too softly?"
Taking Special Care of Older Family and Friends
Visit them. Older people can often feel isolated because they usually aren’t working any longer and it’s not always easy for them to go out. That’s especially true for elderly people who live in a nursing or retirement home. Take time out of your schedule to visit with the older people in your life as often as you can, so they know that they’re still important to you. If you’re very busy and can’t make it to see the older people in your life as often as you’d like, calling them can be a good alternative. You might even set up a time to call each week, so you have a schedule to stick to. You don't necessarily have to know anyone at the nursing home. Some nursing homes have volunteering opportunities where they allow people to visit the elderly.
Show interest in their lives. It’s easy to think that older people don’t have much going on because they don’t do many of the things that they used to when they were younger. However, many elderly people are still active, and lead full, busy lives, even if that just means playing bingo, waking in the park, and gardening. When you visit or call the older people in your life, make sure to ask about their favorite activities. If your grandparent, aunt, uncle, or other elderly loved one has a hobby that they particularly enjoy, you might even offer to do it with them. That’s a great way to show them just how interested you are in what’s important to them.
Don’t try to take control of their lives. While it’s true that your elderly loved ones may need help with some details of their lives, such as chores around the house or making sense of tax forms, they probably aren’t completely helpless. You can offer your assistance, but remember to respect them enough to let them make their own decisions as long as they’re able to.
Utilizing Their Experience
Value their opinions. You shouldn’t be so quick to assume that older people are out of touch with what’s going on in the world. In fact, because of their experience, they might have a different perspective that helps you think about an issue or topic in a new way. Don't argue when you opinion differs from an older person’s. Instead, have a polite conversation where you’re both express your points of view. Maintain eye contact when they give your their opinion or advice. If it looks like you aren't listening or paying attention, they may think that you don't care.
Ask for advice. Because of their experience, older people can offer up a wealth of valuable insights, so it only makes sense to use them as a resource. Talk to the older people in your life to see if they’ve encountered a similar situation and can provide guidance. This can include things like: Having trouble in school, be it academics or bullying. Fighting with your significant other. Being unsure what to do with your career.
Learn about their traditions. Cultural customs, practices and stories are usually passed down generation to generation, so the older people in your family probably have insight into your ancestors that you can’t get anywhere else. Ask them to share what they know about your family’s traditions, so you can learn more about them -- and where you come from. Making an family tree can be a fun activity to do with an older relative. There are a variety of websites, such as Ancestry.com, that can make researching your family easier, so your elderly relatives don’t need to remember all the details.
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